The Wonderful Aspects of Castration

OK, the other day I wrote that the horrible thing about castration is you can only experience the thrill of it once in a lifetime.  But, for a sissy like me, there are some wonderful aspects to castration also.

One of the first things you begin to experience as testosterone levels drop is a lack of interest in sex.  While it varies from person to person, my interest dropped rapidly.  It's really hard to explain to anyone who is not castrated but I'll try.  Before I was castrated, I was pretty much already impotent but even when you're impotent you still have a libido, still have desires even though as a sissy you try to resist them.  After castration, and again it varies by person, you have no libido, no desire for sex.  Oh sure I remember having sex with my wife and if I was able to get a hard on I could physically have sex.  I just don't understand why anyone would want to go through that much effort for an orgasm.  I just don't comprehend it.  The closest I can come to explaining it is this.  Look at this formula involved with covariant derivative which is something to do with the theory of relativity.  Unless you're a theoretical physicist it probably makes absolutely no sense to you.
 
That's how I see sex.  It makes as much sense to me as that formula does to you.  And no, I don't understand the formula either, I just copied it from Wikipedia.

The second wonderful aspect is shrinkage.  As a sissy, one thing you really don't want is a large cock getting hard.  Many sissies in fact are in chastity to prevent erections and it's a known fact that without erections, the penis starts shrinking.  What happens, as I understand it, is the chambers that fill with blood in the penis start to become less flexible and doesn't expand as much so the penis doesn't get as large as before.  Then, again my understanding, is the valve that closes and keeps blood in the penis eventually gets to the point where it doesn't close and erections become very difficult to achieve which means more shrinkage.  Much of the penis elasticity is controlled by the 4 or so erections males have a night lasting about 45 minutes and many times the reason for "morning wood."  In chastity, those erections can't happen.  It really is the old "use it or lose it" adage.   But with castration, that shrinkage is amplified and more rapid.  Most long term eunuchs will tell you without erections, the penis will shrink back to prepubertal size which varies from small at 2.4cm to large at 5cm (0.94 to 2 inches).  If you put that in a Bell curve, it means 2 percent of 9 year old boys will be under an inch and 2 percent will be right at 2 inches with the majority between 1.4 and 1.5 inches.  Because I have always been on the small side, I had hoped to shrink to less than 1" and I'm right at 1 inch now.  Imagine driving by a grade school and knowing all the boys have balls which you don't and that 99 percent of the boys in grades 1-4 have a bigger dick than you.  Wonderfully humiliating!!

I Have Been Surgically Castrated

When I was young, even before puberty around 8 or 9, I would push my testicle back up into the canal so there was nothing beneath my penis. By the way, I said testicle because one of mine was undescended and I didn’t have surgery to bring it down until I was 12.  Anyway, when I pushed it back up inside I liked the feeling and visual of nothing beneath my penis.  Now like I said this was before puberty and there was no sexual aspect to this, I simply liked not having anything there.  So it seems like I had a castration fetish even before there was anything sexual about it.  OK, granted when I got into puberty I would masturbate quite often thinking of not having any balls.  

Fast forward to today.  I no longer have a major castration fetish because I am castrated, no balls, neutered, emasculated, gelded or however you want to put it; I am a eunuch!  And I love it.  A while back I had written that my urologist seemed to blow off my testicular pain but when I emphasized to him how bad the pain was, he started paying attention.  He did try me on medications, tried numbing but it didn’t work.  So he started talking about other treatments including removal which sounded great to me.  I probably exaggerated the pain some (ok more than some) to him but there were times when I was literally sick at my stomach when I was hurting.  Finally he agreed to remove the one testicle with the pain and the other which had atrophied if my wife agreed.  Well, she hasn’t used my cock for anything since 2008 and knows about the fetish so it was no problem for her.  So on a fine spring day earlier in 2016, I walked into my doctor’s office and was escorted to the operating suite in the back.  I undressed, put on a gown and sat talking with my wife until they came in and started an IV.  Shortly after I was escorted into the operating room and I lay down on the operating table.  The anesthesiologist came over and told me he was putting something into my IV and I would feel warm for a few seconds before I went out.  As he injected the anesthesia I knew I would be out very quickly and my last very happy thought was I would shortly be castrated.  Of course I was asleep but what happened next was they put my feet up in stirrups, shaved me, my surgeon came in, took a scalpel and sliced open my scrotum.  He then pulled one testicle out, tied off the cord as high as he could and cut off the testicle.  Then he repeated that on the other side and it was done, around 11:15 in the morning I was castrated (I love saying that).  Then they sewed me back up, bandaged me, put a sanitary napkin between my legs, put what amounted to a gauze panty on me and sent me out to recovery.  Not long after that I woke up in recovery a little foggy and as the fog cleared I gave my wife a big grin which she returned.  It really hadn’t sunk in at the time but over the next few days I kept saying to myself over and over, “I’ve been castrated!” until it finally sank in.  A couple of things about my castration.  Normally with a surgical incision, the doctor stitches it up tight so there is no leakage.  With castration because of how it’s done and how fluid builds up in the area, it’s apparently not stitched tight.  For two or three weeks afterward as you heal, you leak both blood and fluid.  So you have to use pads to keep your panties from becoming blood stained.   At first I was changing my pad three times a day and it’s a little strange telling your wife you are running low on sanitary napkins so would she pick up some at the drugstore for you.  The other rather strange thing is pulling your panties down and seeing a bloody sanitary pad between your legs like you were having your period.  Startling!  There was also something a little surprising.  In discussion online with other eunuchs, people talked about swelling of the ends of the cords where severed after castration so that for a few weeks, it was like there were still testicles until the swelling went down.  Also they talked about bruising and pain.  One close friend several years ago was bruised up to the bellybutton and several people talked about that kicked in the groin feeling.  I had none of that.  My cords did not swell, I didn’t bruise and I had NO pain, none.  It’s almost like my body was understanding that I was meant to be a eunuch and the surgery was just getting me where I should be.  There is a doctor in the US who will castrate anyone who desires it in his office.  But the cost is a few thousand dollars.  Because he had been treating me for pain, my doctor was able to write my castration up for my insurance.   People who want to be voluntarily castrated just to become eunuchs are paying around five thousand dollars but I was able to do it for one hundred forty dollars.  One thing about the doctor who will castrate anyone is he does it under a local with just a nurse.  He allows photographs and will hold your testicles for you to take a picture of them.  So you can actually photo and video record your castration. I really would have liked to have photo or video records of mine.

It’s been six months now and I have some interesting observations.  When you are impotent, as I was for a few years, you still have desires and while you don’t have physical erections, there are “mental erections.” Even when I was impotent and my penis wouldn’t get hard, I still had desires for orgasms.  Even when I wrote about my wife wanting to get the Viagra so I could fuck her and I didn’t want to fuck her, it wasn’t that I didn’t really want to.  It’s just as a sissy I felt she should get sex from a real man.  It didn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy an orgasm.  However being castrated is different.   While everyone’s experience is different and some eunuchs take longer than others to lose interest in sex, mine was almost immediate.  Now not only is my little penis was no longer interested in sex, neither is my brain.   It’s hard to explain.  I remember masturbating before I became impotent but now, even if I could now I just doesn’t seem like it would be worth the effort.  I remember what sex is, I just no longer understand why anyone would bother.  I used to get mentally excited watching a man fuck my wife but now it’s no more exciting than watching them sit and talk.  Why would you expend all that energy for just a couple of moments orgasm?  Oh it doesn’t mean I no longer have sex or maybe I should say I’m still used for sex.   One of my wife’s longer term boyfriends is bi and he is fascinated by me being castrated.  So he’s fucked me a few times since my castrations and that also is totally different.  Before I would enjoy both the physical feeling of his cock in me and the mental excitement of being used.  There was an element of sexual satisfaction to being fucked.  Now it’s just something mechanical done to me.  Oh his cock in my ass still feels good but it’s the feel good of a massage, not mental pleasure of sex and my main thought is I’m bored and will you hurry up and cum.  The same goes for sucking his cock.  Before I would enjoy it and it would be sexually stimulating but now when I do it all I’m trying to do is get it over with and thinking isn’t he ready to fuck my wife yet?  I’m also discovering that I am becoming more and more submissive to her and this particular boyfriend which is surprising as I’ve never considered myself truly submissive.  Sure I enjoyed humiliation but I didn’t like being really bossed around.  The other day, when he was getting ready to fuck my wife, he ordered me to do something and I didn’t even hesitate to obey like I would have in the past.  I actually enjoyed the humiliation of instantly obeying him.  While there is no sexual aspect to it, I find myself occasionally thinking how much fun it would be to spend some time as his servant.  I’m actually thinking about asking my wife is she wants to take some vacation to spend with him, her as his wife and me as their maid.  I think it would be interesting since he has a small apartment off the deck in back of his house where his ex-wife’s mom used to live.  It’s a small apartment with just a living room/bedroom combination, a bathroom and a tiny kitchen but it is separate from the house.  My wife would be living in the house with him as basically his wife and I would be living in the apartment at night while working in the house during the day like any servant.  I am almost positive my wife would say yes and, since she doesn’t work along with me having eight weeks of vacation we could spend as much as a month.  Plus this is the boyfriend she went on a five day road trip with in his RV so she's spent the night with him a few nights.  No telling how submissive I might be at the end of that time.  As a second thought however, it should probably be less than a month for two reasons.  First, if she spent a month getting fucked by his big dick every night, she might never want to leave.  Second if I spent a month as their maid wearing nothing but my maids uniforms, I might never want to leave either.

So some final thoughts on being castrated.  Obviously castration is not for everyone but it is for me and  I feel great.  It’s so amazing to reach between my legs and there is nothing beneath my ever shrinking penis.  And my panties fit so much better with only a tiny bulge in them.  Even when you’re impotent, there is still a sexual drive and now that is gone forever.  I will never penetrate anything again, I will only be penetrated.  My sex life is over forever and I don’t care nor do I want it back.  I am also seriously thinking of getting a Eunuch tattoo for people to see.  Oh, it wouldn’t be Eunuch in English, it would be this 宦官 which means Eunuch in Japanese. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to walk around with a permanent mark that you are castrated?  

Oh and finally, while I didn’t fuck her, the night before I was castrated my wife gave me a blow job because she thought I should have one last sexual experience as a male.  My first sexual contact with a woman in over 8 years and yes, I orgasmed.  She commented that I actually got semi-hard and asked if the thought of being castrated was what was turning me on.  I’ve always been honest and I told her yes, it did even more that watching men fuck her.  That the thought of the next day my balls would be cut off and gone forever was a huge turn on and it was what I was thinking about when I was cumming.

I have been castrated and I love it!  I am a

EUNUCH!

Am I The Ultimate Cuckold?

I'm really not sure what would be an "ultimate cuckold.  Is it a sissy I know who has never had sex with her wife?  When they were dating, they agreed the wife would only have sex with men sot the sissy has pumped so much estrogen, progesterone and anti-androgens into herself that she's up to B cup breasts, completely shriveled balls and not a chance of an erection.  The closest she has ever come to sex with her wife is fluffing her wife's lovers and licking their cum out of her.  Could the ultimate cuckold be someone whose wedding night was spent alone while the wife fucked someone else?  Or would the ultimate cuckold be what I have suspected but am becoming more convinced of.  That someone else is the father of our child.

Now I've written about a lot of my wife's lovers but I've always suspected there was another that she would never, ever tell me about.  Around the same time we decided to try for a baby, a relative of mine was working in town.  He would occasionally drop by out apartment and a few times even spend the night on our sofa.  I know my wife was attracted to him as, after she had started cuckolding me, mentioned how sexy she thought he was.  Since we grew up together, I've always known women were attracted to him because he is tall, shaggy dark blond hair, good looking and, last but not least, well hung.  As for me, while I'm taller than my wife, I'm still shorter than a lot of women, dark hair and have an effeminate face with no eyebrow ridges and also no adam's apple.  The last part is rather handy when wearing makeup and, in comparing pictures, I am definitely my mother's daughter.  Going back to my relative, when it comes to women, he has no restrictions.  Married or not, if he can talk her into spreading her legs, he will fuck her!  And I'm becoming more and more positive that's exactly what he did to my wife after she had discontinued her birth control.  

Now as to why I think this.  As I said, I am rather short with dark hair.  My wife has lighter hair but still darker than my relative.  Our (their?) son however is tall for his age, quite good looking and has hair the exact same color as my relative.  Plus, based on a chart of penis length by age I looked up once, he is also well hung for his age.  So as he gets older, I am more and more convinced that the sperm used to conceive him did not come from me.  At least I really hope it didn't.  It's so humiliating that my wife and this relative may know that they were the ones who conceived a child while I was at work.

I Think My Wife Has A New Lover

She didn't say he was new but, by the way she was acting, I'm betting he is.  She acts just a little more excited when she is going to fuck someone new than when she is  meeting someone she has known for a while.  She had told me she would be gone all of today and would be out of cell phone contact.  She left this morning at a quarter till five mentioning she would be home around nine tonight.  So either she's turning her cell phone off or they are going somewhere out in the sticks with no coverage.  Since she normally doesn't turn her phone off, I'm betting on being out in the country with no coverage.  One thing I do know already about him is that he is definitely her type.  Hung!  How do I know this?  I happened to look in her "toy bag" and found a new box of Trojan Magnum XL with four missing!  Now normally she keeps a box of regular size and large size in her bag but this box is the XL.  This is the other way I can tell he's probably new because after she gets to know some men, she lets them fuck her bareback if she trusts them.  Anyway, looks like she will be well taken care of today.  I do hope so because she always has this cute "I have been so fucked" look on her face.  I love seeing that look since it tells me without saying out loud how useless my limp little penis is.    

Online Gangbang Groups

One thing I've mentioned a few times is my wife having gangbangs, but how they were set up is another story.  You could go out to a bar and round up a few men but generally, despite fiction and captioned photos, picking up a man or men in a bar is not really a good idea.  You may get someone who is great in bed but you could get someone who lets alcohol override his good sense and does something stupid or you could even get someone who is a member of serial killers anonymous and the Ted Bundy fan club.  So what's a good way to set one up then?  Gangbang groups.

One of my wife's lovers mentioned to her that he belonged to a group specifically for women to set up gangbangs and he would be glad to nominate her for membership if she was interested.  She asked me what I thought about it and I told her it was totally up to her.  So she accepted his offer and he nominated her to the group moderator.  After a few e-mails back and forth, she was accepted into the group.  Men were much more heavily screened and could easily be kicked out at the moderator's discretion for not behaving at one event or another.  I never knew the exact figures but it seemed like the group had somewhere around 6 to 1 ratio of men to women with anywhere from a couple hundred .  I understand that the group started out as a Yahoo groups and then went private.  The way it basically worked was this.  When a woman wanted to set up a gangbang, she e-mailed the moderator.  She specified the date (primary and backup dates) the number of men she wanted, activities allowed or not allowed, such as one at a time, DP, airtight, if anal was or not allowed, yes or no regarding condoms, if voyeurs were allowed and if any women were to be included.  She also would specify if she was hosting or if they needed hosting by someone else.  If the woman was hosting, all other participants were expected to provide refreshments. If the woman was not hosting but someone else was, then all participants except the ones hosting and the woman guest of honor were expected to chip in and buy refreshments.  If the woman couldn't host and no one else volunteered, then the moderator would reserve a hotel room and participants (except her) were expected to chip in for the room and refreshments.  Once the moderator got the information, he then puts it into his e-mail group data base set up and sends out an all call e-mail blast to the group.  Men would respond if interested and available on the dates set by the woman or couple until the requested number are filled along with a few extra and at that time, they are given the once over by the woman.  A man might be disqualified for any reason by the woman and the moderator had final say so if he felt one of the men responding was not a good fit.  Husbands were allowed to attend as long as he had no behavior complaints against him but he was strictly an observer allowed to take pictures but not to participate.  Now husbands could be invited to join the group as one of the men but, due to my small size, I obviously never was.

Anyway what my wife would do is e-mail the moderator that we could not host but she wanted x amount of men (usually between 6 and 10)  since my wife considers fucking less than six men a quiet evening spent with friends. She usually requested two specific men to be among the number she wanted.  One was the moderator who had a fairly nice length cock but was very thick.  The other was a good looking older man who was in very good physical condition and possessed a large cock which looked to be a little over 8 inches.  After that she would choose the rest of the men from those submitted (with photos).  Occasionally she would ask for another woman to be included just to satisfy her urge to eat pussy and the men generally loved watching two women in a 69.  One thing my wife tried to do was get a few new men every gangbang.  She might even leave off someone who applied that she knew was a good fuck to include someone new.  This had a twofold purpose as it let her sample more and more of the men in the group and it let her increase the number of men she had fucked.  Now don't get me wrong, she would never have sex with a man just to increase her number but, if the opportunity presented itself, she didn't mind increasing her "notches on the headboard."  Once the gangbang started, it was up to the men to sort out the order in which they would go with one exception.  The moderator always went last with my wife.  The simple reason for this was all the men were required to wear condoms except the moderator.  You see, after her first gangbang, she found she liked the way the moderator fucked her and they occasionally met for some one on one sex.  So he went last in the gangbangs because he was allowed to fuck her bareback and cum in her.  This had a dual purpose.  First of course was just the simple act of fucking bareback and letting him cum in her.  According to my wife, this made the sex even more exciting to her just knowing I was watching him pump he cum deep in her.  The second purpose was to allow me to enter her using a man's cum as lube, something that always made my premature ejaculation even more premature.  I've actually cum just as I entered her knowing a man had just fucked her.

If you've read my other posts you know that I worked out of town a lot.  She tried to do the gangbangs only when I was home but once or twice, I had to work extra and didn't make it in time.  Also, the moderator of the group recommended her to another gangbang group in the city where I was working so that opened up an entirely new group of men for her.  So if I was at home, she could set up a gangbang with our local group or if she was visiting me, she could set up a gangbang there.  Now this wasn't a weekly thing but she sure tried to set one up at least once every other month or so. 

*Note: See the separate post for the story of my wife's accidental gangbang.

Now I know that gangbangs are not for everyone.  Some women don't mind taking on a lover but just couldn't do a large number of men.  Some husbands can watch and enjoy their wives taking on a man but watching a number of men take her would be beyond their limits.  However, if a woman is sure she can handle it without guilt and her husband is sure he can tolerate viewing it, I have to say there is nothing like watching man after man take and pleasure your wife.  My wife says there is nothing like laying in a bed and knowing that all the men in that room are going to fuck her at least once and some twice.  It may take some doing but try to find a group near you.  Believe me they are out there and most major cities will have at least one.  I also know that some online adult swinger sites like SexyAds or AdultFriendFinder have sections for groups looking for women.  Try it, you may very well like it.

Chicken Can Cause Boys To Be Born With A Small Penis

You can't make this stuff up.  A noted animal rights group came out with the claim that eating chicken, and especially chicken wings, during pregnancy can cause boys to be born with a small penis.  Of course scientists say that the group is full of chicken something and it's not wings.  Now I don't know if what they claim is true or not but, if it is true, my mother must have eaten a LOT of chicken when she was pregnant with me.