No Sex Counter

This is based on an approximate date of August 15, 2008 at 8PM as the last time I fucked my wife.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

This Is Not Who I Really Am

I created this blog at a more self despising time in my life but it really doesn't represent who I really am.  Yes, the posts I've put here are 99% truth with mostly names and locations changed to protect the guilty.  My wife has retired now from her hotwife activities and my transgender feelings have just come back with a vengeance.  I've known since I was four that I should have been born female.  When I learned to say my prayers at night the silent prayer always said was for Him to fix me that night so I would wake up as a girl.  I said that prayer every night for years.  Even when I was old enough to know it wouldn't happen I still said it.  I've managed to fight it over the years and sometimes it's been hard.  I remember one night doing over 100mph on the Interstate, seat belt off and wondering if it would hurt when I hit the bridge abutment.  But I thought about my wife and young son and how would they survive so I backed off and fastened my seat belt.  The problem is with these feelings coming back doing something silly like swinging from a rafter is starting to sound like a way out.  My son is grown and my wife would be financially OK.  Oh, don't worry, I won't do it.  I'm too much of a coward to really do something to myself.  The problem is I'm also too much of a coward to transition which means I just sit around and mentally suffer.  My wife said the other night I should just go for transition and we would cope with what came.  Problem is, I asked her, after facial surgery, voice surgery, electrolysis, and gender correction surgery used up our IRA's and savings what did she plan for us to live on. 

So I'm going to post this and leave it for a few days for the very few who might actually read it and then I'm going to see if I can find out how to delete this entire account.  Because there are some on here whose blogs I really enjoy reading, I'll probably establish a new account more in tune with my female self.

Hugs everybody.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Next Urologist Appointment

Well, I've got another urologist appointment coming up and I'm sure to be disappointed again.  One of my testicles, according to medical protocol, should be removed due to cancer risk.  However my urologist minimizes that in saying it's just one chance in a few thousand.  It's still a cancer risk for me, not for him no matter how much he blows it off.  The other problem is pain in my other testicle (Orchalgia).   My GP gave me antibiotics thinking it might  be an infection but, if anything, I hurt worse after the antibiotics.  I'm sure my urologist is going to blow off the pain just like he did last time.  Again, he's not the one sitting watching TV and feeling nauseous because it feels like the aftermath of a blow to the groin.  If he just minimizes everything again, I'm going to look for another urologist.  I've heard from others who have had the pain problem that, strangely, women urologists tend to be more sympathetic about the pain than men do.  I thought I had found the perfect urologist the other day.  She is female and a specialist in abnormalities like I have in the one testicle.  Then I noticed under her profile that she had announced her retirement and was not seeing any new patients.  Well crap.  So I guess I'll have to keep hunting for another urologist who will take the cancer risk and pain into account and do a bi-lateral orchiectomy (castration).   Hell with my low levels of testosterone, it's not like they are serving any purpose other than giving me problems.  Wish me luck finding someone. 

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Caitlyn Jenner

OK, most of my posts are either self-deprecating regarding my sissyhood, about my wife and her many, many lovers or about both.  And for the most part, my posts are 99% the truth although I do, in some instances, change just enough to protect the identity of the guilty.  However, this time I want to talk briefly about something quite serious.

Something I've never talked about is I am, or maybe I should say was at one time, very well known in the transgender community.  When I say well known, I mean nationally and in some cases even internationally.  That's why I wanted to say something about Caitlyn Jenner and her speech at the Espys.  First, I think Caitlyn's coming out is going to be a huge boost for the TG community as a whole.  But I hope she will continue working on what she brought up in her speech regarding the murder and suicide rate in our portion of society.  This is something that, if my health were better, I would be trying to address myself.  It's a horrible thing to get a phone call from someone who tells you a friend just gave up and took her own life.  I know what that feels like.  It's heartbreaking to watch a friend die due to an illness not diagnosed soon enough because doctors didn't want to "offend" other patients by having a transgender person in their waiting room.  I know what that feelsl ike.   Or to watch the six o'clock news, see a photo of a friends front yard and learn that someone had killed her.  Believe me, I know what that feels like.   You see, I've had one good friend and two acquaintances commit suicide.  Not only that but a very dear friend was found face down in her front yard, shot twice in the back of the head.  All evidence pointed to a hate crime but the local police wrote it off as a robbery gone bad and moved it to a cold case as fast as they could.  So bless you Caitlyn Jenner for putting it out there and hitting the public square in the face with it.  But please, please, please don't let it be a one time thing.  Please use your celebrity status for good and keep pounding on this theme the way you pounded your way to Olympic gold in "another life."

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Three And A Quarter And Counting

My wife and I had an early supper this evening as we usually do if she has a date.  They were to meet up for coffee and a desert at 7 PM before heading back to his house and his bed.  Before she left, my wife mentioned that he would be number 325 by her count.  I mean think about that.  Probably somewhere around 8:30 or a few minutes from now a man will be thrusting his hard cock into my wife's pussy and will be the 325th man to fuck her since we've been married.  Plus when you add in all the times with her regular lovers, she has spread her legs for men well over a thousand times.  I am such a lucky cuckold to have her as a wife and I am so proud of her!