No Sex Counter

This is based on an approximate date of August 15, 2008 at 8PM as the last time I fucked my wife.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

The Wonderful Aspects of Castration

OK, the other day I wrote that the horrible thing about castration is you can only experience the thrill of it once in a lifetime.  But, for a sissy like me, there are some wonderful aspects to castration also.

One of the first things you begin to experience as testosterone levels drop is a lack of interest in sex.  While it varies from person to person, my interest dropped rapidly.  It's really hard to explain to anyone who is not castrated but I'll try.  Before I was castrated, I was pretty much already impotent but even when you're impotent you still have a libido, still have desires even though as a sissy you try to resist them.  After castration, and again it varies by person, you have no libido, no desire for sex.  Oh sure I remember having sex with my wife and if I was able to get a hard on I could physically have sex.  I just don't understand why anyone would want to go through that much effort for an orgasm.  I just don't comprehend it.  The closest I can come to explaining it is this.  Look at this formula involved with covariant derivative which is something to do with the theory of relativity.  Unless you're a theoretical physicist it probably makes absolutely no sense to you.
 \nabla _{{{\vec  A}}}{\vec  B}(X)=\lim _{{\epsilon \rightarrow 0}}{\frac  {1}{\epsilon }}\left[\Pi _{{(\epsilon ,0,\gamma )}}{\vec  B}(\gamma [\epsilon ])-{\vec  B}(X)\right]
That's how I see sex.  It makes as much sense to me as that formula does to you.  And no, I don't understand the formula either, I just copied it from Wikipedia.

The second wonderful aspect is shrinkage.  As a sissy, one thing you really don't want is a large cock getting hard.  Many sissies in fact are in chastity to prevent erections and it's a known fact that without erections, the penis starts shrinking.  What happens, as I understand it, is the chambers that fill with blood in the penis start to become less flexible and doesn't expand as much so the penis doesn't get as large as before.  Then, again my understanding, is the valve that closes and keeps blood in the penis eventually gets to the point where it doesn't close and erections become very difficult to achieve which means more shrinkage.  Much of the penis elasticity is controlled by the 4 or so erections males have a night lasting about 45 minutes and many times the reason for "morning wood."  In chastity, those erections can't happen.  It really is the old "use it or lose it" adage.   But with castration, that shrinkage is amplified and more rapid.  Most long term eunuchs will tell you without erections, the penis will shrink back to prepubertal size which varies from small at 2.4cm to large at 5cm (0.94 to 2 inches).  If you put that in a Bell curve, it means 2 percent of 9 year old boys will be under an inch and 2 percent will be right at 2 inches with the majority between 1.4 and 1.5 inches.  Because I have always been on the small side, I had hoped to shrink to less than 1" and I'm right at 1 inch now.  Imagine driving by a grade school and knowing all the boys have balls which you don't and that 99 percent of the boys in grades 1-4 have a bigger dick than you.  Wonderfully humiliating!!

This actually happened one night.

Hi John.  Sure baby, let me get my coat on and I'll be right there.  
No lover, I wasn't busy.  Just talking to my husband.
John called one evening and my wife literally got up out of bed during foreplay, slipped on a dress, went over to his house and spent a little over an hour fucking him.  Such is the life of a cuckold.  I did get the benefit of sloppy seconds since John was one of the men who got to fuck her bareback.

Now this would be really cuckolding

I read something the other day that I thought would be close to the ultimate in cuckolding.  The premise was the wife was trying to get pregnant but was NOT having sex with her husband.  Instead she was having sex with a man/men other than her husband but they were all required to wear condoms.  Now how would she get pregnant if every time she was fucked, he was wearing a condom.  Simple, as soon as her lover would cum, her husband would carefully remove the condom from her lover, insert the open end into his wife and gently push the condom into her inverting it to push her lovers semen as deeply as possible.  Wouldn't it be absolutely delicious to know you got your wife pregnant but you got her pregnant with another man's semen?  Imagine the humiliation as you watch her pregnancy advance knowing you are only "sort of" the father.

What do you think. Can you come up with other ultimate cuckolding scenarios?

Friday, December 16, 2016

The Horror of Castration

I am a eunuch!  I am castrated!  I have no balls!  I voluntarily climbed up onto an operating table, spread my legs, the doctor came in and cut my balls off.  And I am ecstatic about it.  Being a eunuch though, I have come to the conclusion there is one absolutely horrible thing about being castrated.  No matter what, your testicles will NEVER grow back and you will only get to experience once in your life the thrill of waking up from anesthesia knowing someone just cut your balls off.  I guess the euphoria will eventually wear off but even after seven and a half months, it's still just such an amazing feeling when I think about the fact I have been castrated, that I have no balls. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Sucking A Cock And Fulfilling A Friend's Fantasy

I used to work in the same building with a young lady named Carla who most people would describe as a "character."  A lot of times she and I would have lunch together where we would talk about everything under the sun and nothing was taboo like two girlfriends.  It helped our conversations that she knew I was a sissy and that I liked men so she would tell me about the men she was fucking and I would tell her about the men my wife was fucking at the time.  Conversations like that led to her telling me one day she often fantasized about watching a guy suck a cock.  We both giggled like a couple of school girls before I asked her if she wanted it to stay a fantasy or if she really wanted to see it, I would make it happen for her.  Needless to say, she jumped at the opportunity and I called a friend of mine to see what nights he would be available.  I gave Carla his address and told her what day and time to be there.  The evening we met at his house, I could tell she was really excited so we headed back to the bedroom.  Carla sat in a chair about three feet from the side of the bed as my friend and I undressed before he laid on the bed.  As I got between his legs and started sucking his cock, I did hear Carla's breathing pick up a little.  Now I have two ways of sucking cock.  One is to get a guy off rapidly and the other is a soft, slow blowjob paying loving attention to his cock and that's what I did so Carla could get the most enjoyment out of watching  it.  It wasn't long before I saw movement and I realized she had moved from the chair to kneel beside the bed with her eyes just a few inches away.   I continued sucking my friends cock enjoying the fact that Carla was so close and could see how much I was loving that cock in my mouth.  It wasn't until I heard her moan that I stopped sucking him for a second and took a peek at Carla who had her skirt up around her waist (she almost never wore panties) and her fingers busy masturbating.  I tried to time my sucking to see if I could make my friend cum in my mouth around the same time as Carla's orgasm.  I came close but my friend let go with a huge load and I swallowed about half of his cum before I looked over at Carla.  I was going to show her the cum in my mouth and then swallow it but her head was tilted back, her eyes were closed and her mouth was open.  On impulse, I leaned over and gave her a snowball with the cum left in my mouth.  Her eyes shot open and when she realized what I had done, she just started shaking and trying to suck my tongue out of my head before she collapsed backwards.  When she finally came back to life, Carla said it was one of the best orgasms she ever had.  She started kissing me all over my face saying thank you, thank you, thank you for that. Carla later told me she went home that night, filled her bathtub with hot water and bubble bath.  She said she relaxed in the tub and masturbated several times thinking about me sucking my friends cock and it was some of the best sex she had ever had despite not being touched by anyone but herself.  Carla did let me know also that if there was anything she could do to repay me for making her fantasy come true, just tell her.  And no, I never had any form of sex with her.

Oh and my friend whose cock I sucked?  He told me that in trying to impress Carla, I gave him the best blowjob he had ever had.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

I Have Been Surgically Castrated

When I was young, even before puberty around 8 or 9, I would push my testicle back up into the canal so there was nothing beneath my penis. By the way, I said testicle because one of mine was undescended and I didn’t have surgery to bring it down until I was 12.  Anyway, when I pushed it back up inside I liked the feeling and visual of nothing beneath my penis.  Now like I said this was before puberty and there was no sexual aspect to this, I simply liked not having anything there.  So it seems like I had a castration fetish even before there was anything sexual about it.  OK, granted when I got into puberty I would masturbate quite often thinking of not having any balls.  

Fast forward to today.  I no longer have a major castration fetish because I am castrated, no balls, neutered, emasculated, gelded or however you want to put it; I am a eunuch!  And I love it.  A while back I had written that my urologist seemed to blow off my testicular pain but when I emphasized to him how bad the pain was, he started paying attention.  He did try me on medications, tried numbing but it didn’t work.  So he started talking about other treatments including removal which sounded great to me.  I probably exaggerated the pain some (ok more than some) to him but there were times when I was literally sick at my stomach when I was hurting.  Finally he agreed to remove the one testicle with the pain and the other which had atrophied if my wife agreed.  Well, she hasn’t used my cock for anything since 2008 and knows about the fetish so it was no problem for her.  So on a fine spring day earlier in 2016, I walked into my doctor’s office and was escorted to the operating suite in the back.  I undressed, put on a gown and sat talking with my wife until they came in and started an IV.  Shortly after I was escorted into the operating room and I lay down on the operating table.  The anesthesiologist came over and told me he was putting something into my IV and I would feel warm for a few seconds before I went out.  As he injected the anesthesia I knew I would be out very quickly and my last very happy thought was I would shortly be castrated.  Of course I was asleep but what happened next was they put my feet up in stirrups, shaved me, my surgeon came in, took a scalpel and sliced open my scrotum.  He then pulled one testicle out, tied off the cord as high as he could and cut off the testicle.  Then he repeated that on the other side and it was done, around 11:15 in the morning I was castrated (I love saying that).  Then they sewed me back up, bandaged me, put a sanitary napkin between my legs, put what amounted to a gauze panty on me and sent me out to recovery.  Not long after that I woke up in recovery a little foggy and as the fog cleared I gave my wife a big grin which she returned.  It really hadn’t sunk in at the time but over the next few days I kept saying to myself over and over, “I’ve been castrated!” until it finally sank in.  A couple of things about my castration.  Normally with a surgical incision, the doctor stitches it up tight so there is no leakage.  With castration because of how it’s done and how fluid builds up in the area, it’s apparently not stitched tight.  For two or three weeks afterward as you heal, you leak both blood and fluid.  So you have to use pads to keep your panties from becoming blood stained.   At first I was changing my pad three times a day and it’s a little strange telling your wife you are running low on sanitary napkins so would she pick up some at the drugstore for you.  The other rather strange thing is pulling your panties down and seeing a bloody sanitary pad between your legs like you were having your period.  Startling!  There was also something a little surprising.  In discussion online with other eunuchs, people talked about swelling of the ends of the cords where severed after castration so that for a few weeks, it was like there were still testicles until the swelling went down.  Also they talked about bruising and pain.  One close friend several years ago was bruised up to the bellybutton and several people talked about that kicked in the groin feeling.  I had none of that.  My cords did not swell, I didn’t bruise and I had NO pain, none.  It’s almost like my body was understanding that I was meant to be a eunuch and the surgery was just getting me where I should be.  There is a doctor in the US who will castrate anyone who desires it in his office.  But the cost is a few thousand dollars.  Because he had been treating me for pain, my doctor was able to write my castration up for my insurance.   People who want to be voluntarily castrated just to become eunuchs are paying around five thousand dollars but I was able to do it for one hundred forty dollars.  One thing about the doctor who will castrate anyone is he does it under a local with just a nurse.  He allows photographs and will hold your testicles for you to take a picture of them.  So you can actually photo and video record your castration. I really would have liked to have photo or video records of mine.

It’s been six months now and I have some interesting observations.  When you are impotent, as I was for a few years, you still have desires and while you don’t have physical erections, there are “mental erections.” Even when I was impotent and my penis wouldn’t get hard, I still had desires for orgasms.  Even when I wrote about my wife wanting to get the Viagra so I could fuck her and I didn’t want to fuck her, it wasn’t that I didn’t really want to.  It’s just as a sissy I felt she should get sex from a real man.  It didn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy an orgasm.  However being castrated is different.   While everyone’s experience is different and some eunuchs take longer than others to lose interest in sex, mine was almost immediate.  Now not only is my little penis was no longer interested in sex, neither is my brain.   It’s hard to explain.  I remember masturbating before I became impotent but now, even if I could now I just doesn’t seem like it would be worth the effort.  I remember what sex is, I just no longer understand why anyone would bother.  I used to get mentally excited watching a man fuck my wife but now it’s no more exciting than watching them sit and talk.  Why would you expend all that energy for just a couple of moments orgasm?  Oh it doesn’t mean I no longer have sex or maybe I should say I’m still used for sex.   One of my wife’s longer term boyfriends is bi and he is fascinated by me being castrated.  So he’s fucked me a few times since my castrations and that also is totally different.  Before I would enjoy both the physical feeling of his cock in me and the mental excitement of being used.  There was an element of sexual satisfaction to being fucked.  Now it’s just something mechanical done to me.  Oh his cock in my ass still feels good but it’s the feel good of a massage, not mental pleasure of sex and my main thought is I’m bored and will you hurry up and cum.  The same goes for sucking his cock.  Before I would enjoy it and it would be sexually stimulating but now when I do it all I’m trying to do is get it over with and thinking isn’t he ready to fuck my wife yet?  I’m also discovering that I am becoming more and more submissive to her and this particular boyfriend which is surprising as I’ve never considered myself truly submissive.  Sure I enjoyed humiliation but I didn’t like being really bossed around.  The other day, when he was getting ready to fuck my wife, he ordered me to do something and I didn’t even hesitate to obey like I would have in the past.  I actually enjoyed the humiliation of instantly obeying him.  While there is no sexual aspect to it, I find myself occasionally thinking how much fun it would be to spend some time as his servant.  I’m actually thinking about asking my wife is she wants to take some vacation to spend with him, her as his wife and me as their maid.  I think it would be interesting since he has a small apartment off the deck in back of his house where his ex-wife’s mom used to live.  It’s a small apartment with just a living room/bedroom combination, a bathroom and a tiny kitchen but it is separate from the house.  My wife would be living in the house with him as basically his wife and I would be living in the apartment at night while working in the house during the day like any servant.  I am almost positive my wife would say yes and, since she doesn’t work along with me having eight weeks of vacation we could spend as much as a month.  Plus this is the boyfriend she went on a five day road trip with in his RV so she's spent the night with him a few nights.  No telling how submissive I might be at the end of that time.  As a second thought however, it should probably be less than a month for two reasons.  First, if she spent a month getting fucked by his big dick every night, she might never want to leave.  Second if I spent a month as their maid wearing nothing but my maids uniforms, I might never want to leave either.

So some final thoughts on being castrated.  Obviously castration is not for everyone but it is for me and  I feel great.  It’s so amazing to reach between my legs and there is nothing beneath my ever shrinking penis.  And my panties fit so much better with only a tiny bulge in them.  Even when you’re impotent, there is still a sexual drive and now that is gone forever.  I will never penetrate anything again, I will only be penetrated.  My sex life is over forever and I don’t care nor do I want it back.  I am also seriously thinking of getting a Eunuch tattoo for people to see.  Oh, it wouldn’t be Eunuch in English, it would be this 宦官 which means Eunuch in Japanese. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to walk around with a permanent mark that you are castrated?  

Oh and finally, while I didn’t fuck her, the night before I was castrated my wife gave me a blow job because she thought I should have one last sexual experience as a male.  My first sexual contact with a woman in over 8 years and yes, I orgasmed.  She commented that I actually got semi-hard and asked if the thought of being castrated was what was turning me on.  I’ve always been honest and I told her yes, it did even more that watching men fuck her.  That the thought of the next day my balls would be cut off and gone forever was a huge turn on and it was what I was thinking about when I was cumming.
I have been castrated and I love it!  I am a