Reflections On Being A Eunuch

With my wife in Florida getting all the sex she can handle and being by myself, other than Saturday night/Sunday morning, I've had a lot of time to think.  One big conclusion is I LOVE being castrated! I have realized that so much of what males think and do is based on balls.  On testosterone really but that comes from balls.  By not having balls, I realize how much of my life was controlled by them.  I love the "eunuch calm" as it called being castrated has brought to my life and I wish I had been castrated long before now!

A second conclusion is, thinking back on the years of being married, I really don't like sex with women.  Oh I've done it and the orgasm is nice but I don't like what it takes to get to the orgasm.  I would much rather have masturbated.  If I'm absolutely honest, the only time I have REALLY enjoyed sex with my wife was after she had been with a man and I was fucking her through his cum.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my wife deeply but it's platonic love only, not erotic and platonic like most marriages.  What brought all of this to mind was what I described on Sunday morning.  There I was with a woman I had actually fucked years ago rubbing her hot wet pussy all over my shrunken little penis and it didn't respond at all.  And in thinking about it I am glad I didn't have any response so I didn't have to fuck her.  Another benefit of castration.

The third conclusion also comes from Sunday morning.  I slept with them Saturday night in between her and him.  Sunday morning I woke up with him snuggled up behind me.  And I liked it.  I'm quite small at barely 5'6" and being held by a man over 6' was lovely.  Sure, it's not the first time I have awakened with a man's arms around me but it is the first time I have had this much time to think afterward.  Saturday night was all about fucking but Sunday morning as I sucked him and then mounted him cowgirl, I was making love to him, to his cock.  Because I've known them for years, I was feeling some affection for him.  This led to the third conclusion.  I could quite easily fall in love with a man; I could easily marry a man I loved and be his castrated sex toy. That was a startling conclusion!

But not to worry, I'm not going to be leaving home or anything.  But I am going to be more proactive looking for men.  In the past, I've mostly depended on my wife selecting bi men as one or two of her steady boyfriends so that I could occasionally get my ass tapped.  I'm going to find someone who wants a castrated sissy bottom to use.

Last Night

My wife is in Florida being fucked silly by one of her boyfriends.  Well last night, I had sex with a man and a woman!  Well okay, he fucked me in the ass while I licked her pussy and she made fun of both of us.  Calling her husband pathetic excuse for a man and only good for fucking faggot asses while calling me a castrated baby dicked little pussy who is good for only being used as a cunt.  It was so much fun. 

Now first of all, I've known this couple for years and we met when they answered my wife's ad.  They are both very sweet, bisexual and quite adventurous.  In fact, she was the last woman other than my wife, I ever fucked and we have a long sexual history.  She and my wife did a 69 right next to her husband and me doing a 69, I've fucked her, she's given me a blowjob, her husband has fucked my wife, my wife has given him a blowjob, I've fucked the husband, he's given me a blowjob, he has fucked me and I've given him a blowjob.  She has been absolutely fascinated by me being castrated, loving to feel between my legs where my balls used to be.  She even woke me up once during the night feeling me.  This morning she told us to "entertain ourselves" while she went and made breakfast although she did stay and watch while I fluffed her husband but went out when I mounted him cowgirl.  We were relaxing with my head on his shoulder and his arm around me when she came in to tell us breakfast was ready.  I did clean up so as not to mess up their kitchen chairs.  The funniest moment of the entire time I was there happened when I went in the bedroom to dress.  She came in doing a sexy walk, shoved me back on the bed, jumped on me,  Then started rubbing her pussy all over my little dick and passionately kissing me.  After about a minute with no reaction from my little dick, she looked me in the eyes and said. "Wow, you really don't have any sexual feelings do you?"  I told her I enjoyed the kisses and the touching and her pussy felt pleasurable but not sexually.  She told me she was amazed at the difference between before I was castrated and now.  That before I could get excited but wouldn't fuck because I didn't want to break my streak of not fucking a woman ( now at almost 9 years) and now I have no interest and can't fuck a woman.  I'm now her best "girlfriend" and next time she wants to go for a girls night out, I'm her winggirl to keep men from bothering her.

The Horror of Castration

I am a eunuch!  I am castrated!  I have no balls!  I voluntarily climbed up onto an operating table, spread my legs, the doctor came in and cut my balls off.  And I am ecstatic about it.  Being a eunuch though, I have come to the conclusion there is one absolutely horrible thing about being castrated.  No matter what, your testicles will NEVER grow back and you will only get to experience once in your life the thrill of waking up from anesthesia knowing someone just cut your balls off.  I guess the euphoria will eventually wear off but even after seven and a half months, it's still just such an amazing feeling when I think about the fact I have been castrated, that I have no balls. 

I Have Been Surgically Castrated

When I was young, even before puberty around 8 or 9, I would push my testicle back up into the canal so there was nothing beneath my penis. By the way, I said testicle because one of mine was undescended and I didn’t have surgery to bring it down until I was 12.  Anyway, when I pushed it back up inside I liked the feeling and visual of nothing beneath my penis.  Now like I said this was before puberty and there was no sexual aspect to this, I simply liked not having anything there.  So it seems like I had a castration fetish even before there was anything sexual about it.  OK, granted when I got into puberty I would masturbate quite often thinking of not having any balls.  

Fast forward to today.  I no longer have a major castration fetish because I am castrated, no balls, neutered, emasculated, gelded or however you want to put it; I am a eunuch!  And I love it.  A while back I had written that my urologist seemed to blow off my testicular pain but when I emphasized to him how bad the pain was, he started paying attention.  He did try me on medications, tried numbing but it didn’t work.  So he started talking about other treatments including removal which sounded great to me.  I probably exaggerated the pain some (ok more than some) to him but there were times when I was literally sick at my stomach when I was hurting.  Finally he agreed to remove the one testicle with the pain and the other which had atrophied if my wife agreed.  Well, she hasn’t used my cock for anything since 2008 and knows about the fetish so it was no problem for her.  So on a fine spring day earlier in 2016, I walked into my doctor’s office and was escorted to the operating suite in the back.  I undressed, put on a gown and sat talking with my wife until they came in and started an IV.  Shortly after I was escorted into the operating room and I lay down on the operating table.  The anesthesiologist came over and told me he was putting something into my IV and I would feel warm for a few seconds before I went out.  As he injected the anesthesia I knew I would be out very quickly and my last very happy thought was I would shortly be castrated.  Of course I was asleep but what happened next was they put my feet up in stirrups, shaved me, my surgeon came in, took a scalpel and sliced open my scrotum.  He then pulled one testicle out, tied off the cord as high as he could and cut off the testicle.  Then he repeated that on the other side and it was done, around 11:15 in the morning I was castrated (I love saying that).  Then they sewed me back up, bandaged me, put a sanitary napkin between my legs, put what amounted to a gauze panty on me and sent me out to recovery.  Not long after that I woke up in recovery a little foggy and as the fog cleared I gave my wife a big grin which she returned.  It really hadn’t sunk in at the time but over the next few days I kept saying to myself over and over, “I’ve been castrated!” until it finally sank in.  A couple of things about my castration.  Normally with a surgical incision, the doctor stitches it up tight so there is no leakage.  With castration because of how it’s done and how fluid builds up in the area, it’s apparently not stitched tight.  For two or three weeks afterward as you heal, you leak both blood and fluid.  So you have to use pads to keep your panties from becoming blood stained.   At first I was changing my pad three times a day and it’s a little strange telling your wife you are running low on sanitary napkins so would she pick up some at the drugstore for you.  The other rather strange thing is pulling your panties down and seeing a bloody sanitary pad between your legs like you were having your period.  Startling!  There was also something a little surprising.  In discussion online with other eunuchs, people talked about swelling of the ends of the cords where severed after castration so that for a few weeks, it was like there were still testicles until the swelling went down.  Also they talked about bruising and pain.  One close friend several years ago was bruised up to the bellybutton and several people talked about that kicked in the groin feeling.  I had none of that.  My cords did not swell, I didn’t bruise and I had NO pain, none.  It’s almost like my body was understanding that I was meant to be a eunuch and the surgery was just getting me where I should be.  There is a doctor in the US who will castrate anyone who desires it in his office.  But the cost is a few thousand dollars.  Because he had been treating me for pain, my doctor was able to write my castration up for my insurance.   People who want to be voluntarily castrated just to become eunuchs are paying around five thousand dollars but I was able to do it for one hundred forty dollars.  One thing about the doctor who will castrate anyone is he does it under a local with just a nurse.  He allows photographs and will hold your testicles for you to take a picture of them.  So you can actually photo and video record your castration. I really would have liked to have photo or video records of mine.

It’s been six months now and I have some interesting observations.  When you are impotent, as I was for a few years, you still have desires and while you don’t have physical erections, there are “mental erections.” Even when I was impotent and my penis wouldn’t get hard, I still had desires for orgasms.  Even when I wrote about my wife wanting to get the Viagra so I could fuck her and I didn’t want to fuck her, it wasn’t that I didn’t really want to.  It’s just as a sissy I felt she should get sex from a real man.  It didn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy an orgasm.  However being castrated is different.   While everyone’s experience is different and some eunuchs take longer than others to lose interest in sex, mine was almost immediate.  Now not only is my little penis was no longer interested in sex, neither is my brain.   It’s hard to explain.  I remember masturbating before I became impotent but now, even if I could now I just doesn’t seem like it would be worth the effort.  I remember what sex is, I just no longer understand why anyone would bother.  I used to get mentally excited watching a man fuck my wife but now it’s no more exciting than watching them sit and talk.  Why would you expend all that energy for just a couple of moments orgasm?  Oh it doesn’t mean I no longer have sex or maybe I should say I’m still used for sex.   One of my wife’s longer term boyfriends is bi and he is fascinated by me being castrated.  So he’s fucked me a few times since my castrations and that also is totally different.  Before I would enjoy both the physical feeling of his cock in me and the mental excitement of being used.  There was an element of sexual satisfaction to being fucked.  Now it’s just something mechanical done to me.  Oh his cock in my ass still feels good but it’s the feel good of a massage, not mental pleasure of sex and my main thought is I’m bored and will you hurry up and cum.  The same goes for sucking his cock.  Before I would enjoy it and it would be sexually stimulating but now when I do it all I’m trying to do is get it over with and thinking isn’t he ready to fuck my wife yet?  I’m also discovering that I am becoming more and more submissive to her and this particular boyfriend which is surprising as I’ve never considered myself truly submissive.  Sure I enjoyed humiliation but I didn’t like being really bossed around.  The other day, when he was getting ready to fuck my wife, he ordered me to do something and I didn’t even hesitate to obey like I would have in the past.  I actually enjoyed the humiliation of instantly obeying him.  While there is no sexual aspect to it, I find myself occasionally thinking how much fun it would be to spend some time as his servant.  I’m actually thinking about asking my wife is she wants to take some vacation to spend with him, her as his wife and me as their maid.  I think it would be interesting since he has a small apartment off the deck in back of his house where his ex-wife’s mom used to live.  It’s a small apartment with just a living room/bedroom combination, a bathroom and a tiny kitchen but it is separate from the house.  My wife would be living in the house with him as basically his wife and I would be living in the apartment at night while working in the house during the day like any servant.  I am almost positive my wife would say yes and, since she doesn’t work along with me having eight weeks of vacation we could spend as much as a month.  Plus this is the boyfriend she went on a five day road trip with in his RV so she's spent the night with him a few nights.  No telling how submissive I might be at the end of that time.  As a second thought however, it should probably be less than a month for two reasons.  First, if she spent a month getting fucked by his big dick every night, she might never want to leave.  Second if I spent a month as their maid wearing nothing but my maids uniforms, I might never want to leave either.

So some final thoughts on being castrated.  Obviously castration is not for everyone but it is for me and  I feel great.  It’s so amazing to reach between my legs and there is nothing beneath my ever shrinking penis.  And my panties fit so much better with only a tiny bulge in them.  Even when you’re impotent, there is still a sexual drive and now that is gone forever.  I will never penetrate anything again, I will only be penetrated.  My sex life is over forever and I don’t care nor do I want it back.  I am also seriously thinking of getting a Eunuch tattoo for people to see.  Oh, it wouldn’t be Eunuch in English, it would be this 宦官 which means Eunuch in Japanese. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to walk around with a permanent mark that you are castrated?  

Oh and finally, while I didn’t fuck her, the night before I was castrated my wife gave me a blow job because she thought I should have one last sexual experience as a male.  My first sexual contact with a woman in over 8 years and yes, I orgasmed.  She commented that I actually got semi-hard and asked if the thought of being castrated was what was turning me on.  I’ve always been honest and I told her yes, it did even more that watching men fuck her.  That the thought of the next day my balls would be cut off and gone forever was a huge turn on and it was what I was thinking about when I was cumming.

I have been castrated and I love it!  I am a

EUNUCH!