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Saturday, February 8, 2014

Pregnant Sissies


I've seen a few pictures online of sissies wearing maternity clothing and in various stages of "pregnancy."  It's understandable, when you think about it,  that if you are trying to appear as feminine as possible, you might want to include a little time "with child."  Just do a Bing search for pregnant crossdressers and you'll find a lot of photos.  Now I have to say I have actually spent a little time myself working on a personal maternity look.  So I thought I might give a few tips to some of you sissies that might be contemplating trying that bun in the oven look.

The first suggestion I have is get yourself one or two maternity outfits.  What I bought was one nice dress with a short sleeve overjacket for warmer weather and a pair of maternity pants with a long sleeve top for cooler weather.  I don't know if they still make them but L'eggs Sheer Energy used to make a maternity version that was the same as their regular Sheer Energy except it had an expandable panel in the front.  (Spanx does make maternity hose)  This was very handy for holding in everything I'm going to tell you about.  If you can't find Sheer Energy, try to find some kind of good support maternity hose. Next, you'll need one of the egg crate foam rubber mattress pads you find at Wal-Mart, etc.  Yes, that's right, egg crate foam mattress pad but just get the one for a single bed.  Also while you're at it, pick up some pink balloons but not the thin little stuff you find for birthday parties that will explode if you blow them up to 8-10 inches.  I'm talking about the thick rubber balloons you would find at a party store that can be blown up quite large say around 2 feet.  However, we're not looking for size here but sturdiness.  Finally, if you can find one, get an all-in-one that would be made for someone with a slightly larger figure that yours.  This can be tough if you're a bigger girl.  Being smaller than many women, this is something I didn't have a problem with.

Now, step 1.  Find several pictures of women in various stages of their pregnancy.  Note how the baby bump is located on a woman.  It's not just a round ball on top of her stomach, it actually starts below the breasts and tapers a little down to the baby's location and then sharply tapers back to the groin.  Now, cut a section of that mattress foam to fit your body.  It should start narrow at the top, widen out to the waist and then taper back in rapidly to the groin.  You can cut so that you have a piece hanging down that will go back between your legs if desired.  Cut a second piece of foam the same shape as the first but smaller by an inch to two inches.  Now cut a third piece even smaller and slightly more rounded than the previous two.  Now take the first two pieces you cut out and lay them together with the smaller one on top.  At the widest spot of the two, locate the centerline of the pieces and cut a three to four inch hole.  One tip here.  Take all three pieces of foam and angle the edges so they round off a little front to back. Now take your balloon and fill it with water, in fact, use several of the balloons you bought and fill to different sizes.  You will most likely find you need a smaller balloon than the one you first filled.  OK, lets assume you've already put on your maternity hose and you have your all-in-one pulled partially up.  Place the first two layers of foam in position tucking them down into the hose.  Now put the water filled balloon in the hole we cut in those two layers finally placing the third layer on top.  Pull your all-in-one up making sure that the foam lays flat.  Look in a full length mirror to make sure everything is centered and not off to one side or the other.  There is always the possibility that you will need to make adjustments in the size of the foam you cut making it either larger or smaller.  Also, when you get your all in one, it wouldn't hurt to get the long leg style.  This will allow you to cut a couple of pieces to fit on your hips making them a little wider.  Plus if you've got a small or even no ass, you'll need to cut a couple of pieces for that.  If you look at a woman's ass, it is basically heart shaped so make your two pieces of padding add up to a heart with a round bottom instead of a point.  At this point, your ready.  Put on the maternity outfit you choose fix your makeup and you are good to go girl.

Just for fun, if you have a boyfriend, dress like this for him one day and as soon as you open the door, snarl at him, "You son-of-a-bitch, look what you fucking did to me!"  I did this to a couple who are "very close" friends and the look of momentary horror on his face was hysterical.  We teased him all through dinner about "knocking me up" and how his wife would be the godmother.

Additional Tips

  • Be conscious of how you sit and bend down/over.
  • Watch how pregnant women walk, sit, bend down an act in general.
  • Rub your belly occasionally and smile if you are in public. (Don't do this only when people are looking because then it will be obvious you are faking.)
  • Walk with a waddle and keep your legs wide. When you sit down, spread out your legs and cross your ankles.
  • Put some blush on your face (Dark red-bronze) You may want to add some on you arms too. (some pregnant women have a change in skin color) (Also they might be hot or morning sick so that is another reason their face is darker.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

More Reasons Your Wife Does Not See You As A Man

You actually know the difference between mauve and rose.

You know the difference between taupe hose and gray hose.

You can put on a pair of Cuban heeled seamed stockings and get the seams straight the first time.

You know what a Cuban heel is.

Your wife just uses the little applicators and pads that come with makeup.  You have a kit of professional makeup brushes including three separate brushes for eyeshadow alone.

She has called you a slut and was joking.

She has called you a slut and was serious.

She has called you "a bitch" in anger.

You ask her if her favorite lover is mad at her since she hasn't seen him in a month.

She hasn't slept with any of her lovers in a couple of weeks and you tell her she needs to get out more.

Her idea of spending a pleasant April weekend is at a resort on the beach fucking a lover.  Your idea of a spending the same pleasant April weekend is wearing some of your French maid uniforms and working from Friday night to Sunday night giving the house a thorough spring cleaning.

You are hand washing your most delicate lingerie and you thoughtfully ask her if she needs any of hers done while you're at it.

She has watched you walking out of a building with your leg flashing out of the slit in your skirt and commented when you got in the car about how sexy your legs are.

Your wife's tramp stamp is a Polynesian tribal tattoo.  Your tramp stamp is soft green vines, pink flowers and pastel butterflies.

Your wife got her bellybutton pierced after seeing how cute yours looked.