I was reading the other day where most people would say a marriage is a 50-50 proposition. That each person should contribute 50 per cent to the union but the writer was saying, in reality, each person should give 100 percent. In other words, every action by each partner should be made with how it affects the other partner in mind. Of course anyone who has been married for more than a couple of months knows this is basically impossible. In any marriage, one person is going to benefit more than the other. Oh sure, it may be very close to 50-50 but generally it's going to be more lopsided to one partner or the other. But as we go along in a marriage, we develop expectations of behavior from our partner. Sometimes, actions that go outside those expectations by one partner are going to cause hurt because the other partners needs or feelings were not considered and this can/will lead to arguments. This is especially true in a cuckolding relationship.
What got me to thinking about this was a blog by someone else, who is also in a cuckolding marriage, regarding an argument they had. Their argument started because both were in a bad mood but transformed into some hurtful things being said by both parties. Unlike my sissy/cuckolding relationship where my wife and I are generally on equal terms and relate like sisters, their relationship seems to be more one of dominant workplace wife to submissive work from home (with some travel) bi sissy. The wife apparently has a steady boyfriend as does the sissy although how the frequency of her meetings with her lover compare with the frequency of the sissy's meetings I don't know. But the blog did get me to thinking about arguments my wife and I have had due to not meeting the expectations we each had for our relationship.
A few of our expectations were actually set out by the two of us when she began cuckolding me and having sex with real men outside our marriage. For instance, we agreed that no one ever be brought into our home. We agreed that she would never meet anyone more than twice a week, she would always call me and tell me who she was with and where they were meeting. We agreed that condoms would always be used. An unspoken expectation was we always set aside time for ourselves. She never, that I know of did bring anybody home but I worked out of town so I can't swear to it. The never meet anyone more than twice a week was for a couple of reasons but the main one was to prevent any emotional attachments from developing. Well, that went out the window pretty quick in that she was meeting one of her early lovers as many as five or six times a week and I know that she did develop an emotional attachment to him. Most of the time she would use condoms until she really got to know a man but, after a trust was achieved, condoms would go by the wayside. So even though we set boundaries or expectations, they were in some ways flexible. For instance, the no more than twice a week increase was with my permission after she asked me. But sometimes, there was a violation of those expectations that cause hurt feelings many times on my part that lead to arguments.
I will admit, in some of our arguments, I was spoiling for a fight and she would give me the excuse. Remember, I was working 300 miles away (you do what you have to when your job moves to another city), staying in a tiny apartment and working a quite stressful job. I would get to go home on the weekends but generally, after travel time, I was only home 24-36 hours. An example of how an argument might come about was, when we still had any type of sexual relationship, she was giving me a blowjob which is something she LOVES doing (with any man not just me). Now never in our marriage had she ever swallowed. At the point of cumming, she would normally slap a washcloth, her panties, my panties, or whatever was handy over me and let me cum into them. This particular night was early in our cuckolding relationship and, as I warned her I was close, she just took every bit of me (all 5" at the time) and started swallowing. When I finished cumming, she smiled at me and I asked what brought that on? Her answer was if she could swallow Roy's cum, she thought she should at least swallow mine. Well of course that hurt like hell in that, one, she wasn't using condoms with him and two, she felt like if she was doing it for her lover she might as well do it for me. I told her thanks a lot for the mercy blowjob and I asked when they stopped using condoms. She said one day they were in such a hurry to fuck, they forgot the condom and just stopped using them. That didn't start a knock down drag out fight but for the remainder of my time at home it was pretty icy and she knew I was upset.
A great example of going outside a boundary was when I was working in town for a few days. I had to work a little late and while I was on a break, I called her and told her not to plan anything that evening. When I got home I was going to take her out for a late dinner and back home for a little fun (at the time we still occasionally made love). Now remember, my average length was 5 inches (5 1/2 if I got REALLY hard) and I did have a premature ejaculation problem. Anyway, I went back to work where I couldn't receive calls and had to have my cell turned off. When I left work about 6:30 or 7, I stopped at a local chain grocery that had a floral department and bought her a nice bouquet of flowers and headed home. In the 20 minute trip home I tried to call the house phone three times but got no answer. When I got home the first thing I noticed was her car was gone. When I walked into the bedroom, I saw several of her sexier lingerie sets on the bed like she had been choosing among them along with a note. It seems that a former lover had called her just after the last time we talked. He had been promoted to V.P. of his company causing a move to another city but he was back for a conference and was staying at a nearby resort. So she had taken off without even thinking of the evening we had planned to spend then night with him in luxury villa. I tried to call her cellphone but it was off so I left a voicemail telling her how much I appreciated and how wonderful our romantic evening had been. She finally got the voicemail message about 3am and called me to tell me she was on her way home instead of spending the rest oft he night. I told her not to bother and not to show up before 9 because that was the earliest I would take the chains off the doors. I really didn't chain the front door and I was still asleep when she did get home but I think she knew I was pissed when she walked into the living room. I had shredded her bouquet of flowers all over the carpet and threw the lingerie she didn't take with her on top of the shredded flowers. She came into the bedroom and tried to be all lovey but I think the nicest thing I said about her in that argument was when I called her an "inconsiderate bitch" as she was trying to explain how excited she was that Bill wanted her to come up and spend the night with him so she just didn't think of anything else except the sex with him.
Another thing that she does and I know it isn't intentional but used to
bother me is, after a session of really great sex, her voice gets this
soft, sexy, "I have just been so well fucked" tone. What bothers me about
it is in the years when we had sex, I never, ever heard that tone from
her after we finished. Since we haven't had sex in about 4 years and 9
months, it doesn't bother me much at all anymore but I will admit that one of those times I was in that aforementioned bad mood and spoiling for a fight she called me with that quality in her voice. It seems that Roy had fucked her three times in less than eight hours and must have turned her every which way but loose. I sort of lost it and told her she didn't "have to rub it in by sounding like she enjoyed it so fucking much." As the saying goes, "And that was when the fight started."
The worst fight we had was actually over the where and who with rule. Again, I was out of town and working midnight shift. She left me a message that she was going out with a couple of girlfriends of hers so I probably wouldn't be able to reach her on my nightly call before I left for work. I didn't see anything wrong with that because I knew both of her friends and she had been out with them before. So I waited until I got to work to try and call at eleven. No answer. Midnight, no answer. One, no answer, Two, three, four, five, no answer. At six in the morning, I left another message that if I hadn't heard from her by eight, I was calling the police. That was more intended to scare her than anything else because this was about 3-4 weeks after she had started fucking Roy so I was pretty sure I knew where she was. I got off at seven and just as I was leaving work my cell phone rang. She was at home and wanted to make sure I didn't call the police. I asked where she had been and she said she had gone over to Roy's house the night before but didn't plan on staying. She said they fell asleep and she didn't wake up until 4am and got home a little after six. I said wait a minute, at four in the morning it's a 15-20 minute drive from Roy's house to ours so why did it take two hours to get home. Well it turned out that she was going to shower before she left Roy's but he joined her in the shower and then back on the bed so she didn't leave until around five-thirty, got home, changed clothes for work and called me. I think it was somewhere around that time that I simply hung up on her. Of course my cell started ringing again and I turned it off. Then the apartment phone started ringing so I unplugged it. Needless to say she was leaving a lot of messages on my cell but I kept it off and didn't call her back for two days. She was wanting to know what time I would be getting in that weekend at home and I told her I had no desire to see her or talk to her that weekend so I wouldn't be home and she could spend the whole weekend with Roy if she liked because I didn't care. She ended up using some frequent flyer miles to fly to where I was and called me from the airport to pick her up. When I got to baggage claim I just sat in the car, letting her load her own bag which was a message unto itself. Also when she got in the car, instead of a kiss I was as far away from her as I could get leaning on the drivers side door. Now my wife has a unique knack. I swear she could commit a bank robbery and in three sentences, have a police officer convince he robbed it. On the way home from the airport she was somehow trying to make it my fault I was furious with her for lying to me about where she would be. That was when I exploded and told her she could take that transfer of guilt and shove it up her ass, it wasn't going to work this time. She said if I was going to be that way about it I might as well take her back to the airport. Wrong thing to say. Next intersection I made a U-turn and before she knew it we were at the departing flights/check in side of the airport. I think she was trying to call my bluff and got out with her bag. I immediately hit the electric locks and drove off and she ended up taking a cab to my little apartment. What she apparently thought was it would be a thrill to spend the night with Roy without me knowing but, since I was working midnight shift and could call all night long, she didn't think that one through at all. It took almost a month before that argument ended and even then I told her it would be a cold day in hell before I would trust her again. Over a couple of years, that all faded but, at least on my part, some of the hurt inflicted has never gone away. Oh don't get me wrong, I still enjoy the humiliation of knowing that probably 99 per cent of men can please her far better than I can. I enjoy the humiliation of fluffing her lovers when I can, I enjoy the humiliation of holding a man's cock and guiding it into my wife. I enjoy the humiliation of knowing many of her lovers laugh at me behind my back. But what I don't enjoy is the violation of what is expected from her in exchange for the 250 or so lovers she's had, the expectation that she will consider my feelings before saying or doing something. Now don't misunderstand me, I've done my share of stupid things that have hurt her feelings, too. But in reflection, I don't think I've done it near as many times as she has. Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think so.
What I'm trying to say in a long winded way is that, no matter how your cuckolding relationship is based, whether it be Domme/sub, equal partners, platonic or what, there needs to be boundaries. The cuckold needs to know what to expect and what not to expect. For instance, I mentioned those from my marriage, some of which have been kept and some of which haven't. But let me give another example. Suppose a husband enjoys the cuckolding but is in no way bi-sexual. It would be unfair of the wife to somehow trick her husband into eating a cream pie or to expect her husband to fluff her lovers. To me, that would be no big of a deal and actually enjoyable. But to a totally heterosexual husband, that might be something that could destroy the marriage. Even if the husband expressed an interest into such, it should still be discussed between the two before any such thing is attempted. Right up to the last second, hubby should still be given the opportunity to back out without any repercussions from the wife or her lover. Surprises in a relationship should be based on something that is a KNOWN desire not something one wants to do to or have done to the other partner. But the reverse is true also when you think about it. The wife needs to know that, upon arriving home after being fucked by a real man, her cuckold is not going to go crazy jealous on her. The fact that her panties in the laundry are crusted with dried cum cannot upset him. She needs the security of knowing that being fucked by a man or men is not going to damage her relationship with her cuck.
So for those who are considering such a relationship, talk about it and make sure it's something you want to delve into. It can and probably will cause some hurt feelings and arguments. If you're already in such a relationship, consider setting some boundaries and expectations. It may cause some hurt feelings and arguments but it may prevent some also.