Reflections On Being A Eunuch

With my wife in Florida getting all the sex she can handle and being by myself, other than Saturday night/Sunday morning, I've had a lot of time to think.  One big conclusion is I LOVE being castrated! I have realized that so much of what males think and do is based on balls.  On testosterone really but that comes from balls.  By not having balls, I realize how much of my life was controlled by them.  I love the "eunuch calm" as it called being castrated has brought to my life and I wish I had been castrated long before now!

A second conclusion is, thinking back on the years of being married, I really don't like sex with women.  Oh I've done it and the orgasm is nice but I don't like what it takes to get to the orgasm.  I would much rather have masturbated.  If I'm absolutely honest, the only time I have REALLY enjoyed sex with my wife was after she had been with a man and I was fucking her through his cum.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my wife deeply but it's platonic love only, not erotic and platonic like most marriages.  What brought all of this to mind was what I described on Sunday morning.  There I was with a woman I had actually fucked years ago rubbing her hot wet pussy all over my shrunken little penis and it didn't respond at all.  And in thinking about it I am glad I didn't have any response so I didn't have to fuck her.  Another benefit of castration.

The third conclusion also comes from Sunday morning.  I slept with them Saturday night in between her and him.  Sunday morning I woke up with him snuggled up behind me.  And I liked it.  I'm quite small at barely 5'6" and being held by a man over 6' was lovely.  Sure, it's not the first time I have awakened with a man's arms around me but it is the first time I have had this much time to think afterward.  Saturday night was all about fucking but Sunday morning as I sucked him and then mounted him cowgirl, I was making love to him, to his cock.  Because I've known them for years, I was feeling some affection for him.  This led to the third conclusion.  I could quite easily fall in love with a man; I could easily marry a man I loved and be his castrated sex toy. That was a startling conclusion!

But not to worry, I'm not going to be leaving home or anything.  But I am going to be more proactive looking for men.  In the past, I've mostly depended on my wife selecting bi men as one or two of her steady boyfriends so that I could occasionally get my ass tapped.  I'm going to find someone who wants a castrated sissy bottom to use.

Last Night

My wife is in Florida being fucked silly by one of her boyfriends.  Well last night, I had sex with a man and a woman!  Well okay, he fucked me in the ass while I licked her pussy and she made fun of both of us.  Calling her husband pathetic excuse for a man and only good for fucking faggot asses while calling me a castrated baby dicked little pussy who is good for only being used as a cunt.  It was so much fun. 

Now first of all, I've known this couple for years and we met when they answered my wife's ad.  They are both very sweet, bisexual and quite adventurous.  In fact, she was the last woman other than my wife, I ever fucked and we have a long sexual history.  She and my wife did a 69 right next to her husband and me doing a 69, I've fucked her, she's given me a blowjob, her husband has fucked my wife, my wife has given him a blowjob, I've fucked the husband, he's given me a blowjob, he has fucked me and I've given him a blowjob.  She has been absolutely fascinated by me being castrated, loving to feel between my legs where my balls used to be.  She even woke me up once during the night feeling me.  This morning she told us to "entertain ourselves" while she went and made breakfast although she did stay and watch while I fluffed her husband but went out when I mounted him cowgirl.  We were relaxing with my head on his shoulder and his arm around me when she came in to tell us breakfast was ready.  I did clean up so as not to mess up their kitchen chairs.  The funniest moment of the entire time I was there happened when I went in the bedroom to dress.  She came in doing a sexy walk, shoved me back on the bed, jumped on me,  Then started rubbing her pussy all over my little dick and passionately kissing me.  After about a minute with no reaction from my little dick, she looked me in the eyes and said. "Wow, you really don't have any sexual feelings do you?"  I told her I enjoyed the kisses and the touching and her pussy felt pleasurable but not sexually.  She told me she was amazed at the difference between before I was castrated and now.  That before I could get excited but wouldn't fuck because I didn't want to break my streak of not fucking a woman ( now at almost 9 years) and now I have no interest and can't fuck a woman.  I'm now her best "girlfriend" and next time she wants to go for a girls night out, I'm her winggirl to keep men from bothering her.

The Long "Arm" Of The Law

We live on the outskirts of a very large city and there is an attorney in the city who is quite successful, rich, handsome, single and has beautiful silver hair that he pulls back in a short ponytail.  All in all, the kind of man who makes who makes women drool.  He also has a very large cock and is fantastic in bed.  How do I know that?  Easy, my wife told me because he was one of her boyfriends for a while.  I've watched him sink his beautiful cock into my wife and heard her scream through a lot of orgasms while being fucked by him.  My wife says, out of the over 350 men she's fucked, if he isn't the best she's ever had, he's in the top five.  What's really funny is they met at a gang bang.  Hers!  He was one of the men attending and according to her, the other 8 men combined didn't come close to satisfying her as well as he did.  When the gang bang was over, my wife actually gave him her phone number and he obviously did call.  They saw each other for close to a year and I know my wife still thinks about him.  After all, he's well known here and is on the news frequently.  I swear the other night, when the news showed him in a courtroom, my wife had an orgasm just sitting in her chair.

Oh, I said he had a beautiful cock and he did.  It was about 8.5 inches and wonderfully proportioned, not too thick, not too thin.  I really wanted to fluff it.  Hell, I wanted to suck it until he shot a load down my throat, I wanted him to fuck me and cum in my ass.  But that wasn't something he was interested in, just my wife's pussy (and her blowjobs).  The closest I got was to clean his cum out of my wife.

Well What Do You Know

An online acquaintance wrote to me the other day.  Over the months, we have talked about a lot of things such as her breakup with her boyfriend, her occasional desire for another woman and my love of men and of being a cuckold.  She can understand my desire for men since shes' bi but the cuckolding she doesn't understand.  I've tried hard to explain how much I enjoy the humiliation of my wife sleeping with man after man because they can please her and I can't.  We pretty much tell each other everything and from our conversations, she's learned a lot about me.  So this is something she pointed out in her email:

1. I list myself as bisexual.
2. I have not had sex with a woman in over 6 years.
3. I don't have any desire to have sex with a woman.
4. I like fluffing men so they can fuck my wife.
5. I enjoy giving blowjobs and I like cum.
6. I really enjoy being ass fucked.  It's my favorite form of sex.
7. My favorite porn is pics of men fucking or being sucked by cd/tv/ts/sissies along with yaoi and shotcon.

Her point was as she wrote, "You don't have or want sex with a woman but you do want and have sex with men.  I hate to burst your bubble honey but you are not bisexual, you are the very definition of homosexual."

Well what do you know, I'm gay.  I am a homosexual  I AM GAY! OK, sure I've called myself a faggot because I've always said I lean to the rainbow side of bisexual.  Now it looks like I've crossed the Rainbow Bridge and my idea of Valhalla is a man with a massive cock buried in my ass pumping a load of hot cum deep in me.  So yes, it appears I'm homosexual.  Call it whatever you want. Queer, homo, knob gobbler, peter puffer, pole smoker, poof, pouf, fruit, fairy, pansy, butt boi, light in my loafers, or pillow biter.  I think I knew it when I sucked D's cock when I was barely a teen.   I think I knew it when I woke up with crusted cum in my panties and realized Al had fucked my virgin ass the night before and I wanted more.  I think I've known it every time I've sucked a cock or felt a man coming in my ass.   Now I will know it next time a man is pumping his cum in me.  And you know what?  I'm OK with that.

She Has A Date

It’s 1:08 Saturday afternoon and my wife has been gone since 7:30 this morning.  I know she has a date today but she didn’t say whether it was someone new or one of her established boyfriends.  I do know she had a bag with her so I’m wondering if it’s a weekender.  I’ll get a call or, more likely, a text later to let me know.  Looks like it will be lunch, maybe dinner and breakfast tomorrow for one at the Sissy Cuckold household.   There was a time when I would be rock hard knowing she was with a man who would be fucking her.  Now I’m just limp in my panties like I always am 24/7/365.  Impotence is a wonderful thing for someone like me.

Sucking Cock 101: Intro For Cocksucking Faggots And Sissies

I copied this from a Tumblr Blog by Cuckold Boy although it appears to have been written by someone else, most likely female.  I had my wife read it and she said it's basically what she's taught me about sucking her lover's cocks when I fluffed them or sucked them to completion.  A couple of things my wife added though.  She said while she has rubbed a cock on her cheek and lips, she's never done the face slapping thing.  Another thing she mentioned is to be careful with his balls.  According to her, quite a few of the many men she's blown were ticklish to different extents around their balls. Instead of increasing his enjoyment, you might ruin the moment so go slow with his jewels.  Finally she mentioned at the last the author was talking about letting men cum right down her throat.  According to my wife, that's fine but if you can let him cum in your mouth so he can see you swallow it, that's even better.  I agree with her here and, from experience, letting him see you swallow is even more important in the HotWife/Lover/Cuckold dynamic.  Remember, he is fucking your wife so he already sees you as far less than a man.  Swallowing his cum after sucking his cock just reinforces this idea.  It also lets your wife see her lover compared to you and shows her he is the superior male.  So without further ado, I give you:

Blowjob Tips For Sissies And Faggots

If you simply wanted to get a guy off as quickly as possible, all you need to do is lock your lips at the base of his cock and suction them up and down the bottom ¾ of his shaft at a quick, steady pace while pressing your flattened tongue against the underside of his dick. Make sure you are applying pressure with both your lips AND tongue.

Keeping your tongue engaged at all times is key. I try to keep mine moving at all times. This is how you get 90% of guys off. It helps me keep from gagging to hold his cock steady at the base and bring my lips down to meet my fingers. You can do this very slowly for a more intense feeling, but make sure you move at a steady rhythm. Some guys like it faster or slower; you may have to ask, or more likely, he’ll tell you.

This is your power move, the one that is actually going to bring him to orgasm. A true hooker blowjob needs only this one move; if scientists were to create a blowjob machine, this is what it would do. The other moves I’m going to teach you are artistic flourishes; you use them to add flair and style to your blowjob or to slow down the action a little.

SALIVA
Don’t be afraid to just slobber all over his love muscle. It should be as wet and sloppy as possible, especially during your power move. A good blowjob makes loud, gross suction-y noises. When I’m done, I’m usually covered in my own drool and leave a wet spot on the bed.

USING YOUR HANDS
If his dick is too big for you to take the whole thing in your mouth, you’ll need to use your hand too. Slobber all over his cock for awhile first so your hand will slide easily up and down instead of just catching on his dry skin. The most important hand move is the twister. When you slide your hand up his shaft, twist your wrist. A twisting motion gets you into a smoother rhythm than the straight up and down. Slide your hand up and down on the base of his cock in conjunction with your mouth moving up and down on the rest of it. The hard part is finding the correct grip: again you may want his guidance.

Another good trick is to wrap your hand around the top of his cock and put your mouth over your hand. Then slide your hand down the shaft and your mouth down on top of it in a fluid motion until your hand meets the base of his cock. It will feel like you’re sliding your mouth all the way down him even if you can’t. It’s times like these I wish I could draw; I’d make little diagrams.

THE BALLS
I usually start out by paying some attention to the balls. There are three basic ball moves: you can put them in your mouth and suck them (LIGHTLY), lick them with a flattened cow tongue, or tense your tongue into a point and run the tip of your tongue all over them. I alternate between all three. Sometimes I lift them up and lick underneath his balls.

Also, if you cup them while you are entering the home stretch, you’ll be able to tell he’s about to cum as they get higher and tighter.

THE HEAD
My next move is usually to give his shaft several long licks from base to tip. This is the ice cream cone move; it looks sexy, it’s a nice touch, but it’s not going to make anybody cum. While conducting the power move, I come up from time to time to give the head a little attention: sucking on it, moving my tongue in a circle around it, and flicking my tongue over that spot on the underside that all the sex websites tell you is el sensitivo. In my experience, guys don’t really go that wild over attention to that spot, but these are just flourishes anyway.

I tend to get a bit wrapped up in my work that I forget to make eye contact, so head action is a great time to look up at him with puppy dog eyes and his cock in your mouth.

FACE SLAPPING
I mentioned this in my tips to get him to cum faster, but at least once during the beej, I usually pop his dick out of my mouth and slap it against my tongue or face, then look at him while I rub his cock against my cheeks and lips. Guys are visual, this is just a little something dirty for him to look at.

DEEP THROAT
I can’t really teach you how to deep throat, that’s between you and your gag reflex. The important thing, I think, is to make an effort to take him in as deep as you can, even if it’s only for a few seconds. It’s hard to explain exactly how I do this: try concentrating on relaxing your throat and jaw. As I mentioned before, it helps me to steady his cock with my hand when I go deep, and breathing in instead of just holding your breath also helps abate that “gonna puke” feeling.

THE BIG FINALE
When you’re ready to finish him off, go into the power move and don’t vary your pace for anything. If you’re cupping his balls, you’ll often be able to tell when he’s about to cum as they tighten up. I speed up a little bit at the end, and when I feel him start to come I push my head down as deep as it will go and suck slowly and intensely at the base, letting his cum just shoot down my throat.

Online Gangbang Groups

One thing I've mentioned a few times is my wife having gangbangs, but how they were set up is another story.  You could go out to a bar and round up a few men but generally, despite fiction and captioned photos, picking up a man or men in a bar is not really a good idea.  You may get someone who is great in bed but you could get someone who lets alcohol override his good sense and does something stupid or you could even get someone who is a member of serial killers anonymous and the Ted Bundy fan club.  So what's a good way to set one up then?  Gangbang groups.

One of my wife's lovers mentioned to her that he belonged to a group specifically for women to set up gangbangs and he would be glad to nominate her for membership if she was interested.  She asked me what I thought about it and I told her it was totally up to her.  So she accepted his offer and he nominated her to the group moderator.  After a few e-mails back and forth, she was accepted into the group.  Men were much more heavily screened and could easily be kicked out at the moderator's discretion for not behaving at one event or another.  I never knew the exact figures but it seemed like the group had somewhere around 6 to 1 ratio of men to women with anywhere from a couple hundred .  I understand that the group started out as a Yahoo groups and then went private.  The way it basically worked was this.  When a woman wanted to set up a gangbang, she e-mailed the moderator.  She specified the date (primary and backup dates) the number of men she wanted, activities allowed or not allowed, such as one at a time, DP, airtight, if anal was or not allowed, yes or no regarding condoms, if voyeurs were allowed and if any women were to be included.  She also would specify if she was hosting or if they needed hosting by someone else.  If the woman was hosting, all other participants were expected to provide refreshments. If the woman was not hosting but someone else was, then all participants except the ones hosting and the woman guest of honor were expected to chip in and buy refreshments.  If the woman couldn't host and no one else volunteered, then the moderator would reserve a hotel room and participants (except her) were expected to chip in for the room and refreshments.  Once the moderator got the information, he then puts it into his e-mail group data base set up and sends out an all call e-mail blast to the group.  Men would respond if interested and available on the dates set by the woman or couple until the requested number are filled along with a few extra and at that time, they are given the once over by the woman.  A man might be disqualified for any reason by the woman and the moderator had final say so if he felt one of the men responding was not a good fit.  Husbands were allowed to attend as long as he had no behavior complaints against him but he was strictly an observer allowed to take pictures but not to participate.  Now husbands could be invited to join the group as one of the men but, due to my small size, I obviously never was.

Anyway what my wife would do is e-mail the moderator that we could not host but she wanted x amount of men (usually between 6 and 10)  since my wife considers fucking less than six men a quiet evening spent with friends. She usually requested two specific men to be among the number she wanted.  One was the moderator who had a fairly nice length cock but was very thick.  The other was a good looking older man who was in very good physical condition and possessed a large cock which looked to be a little over 8 inches.  After that she would choose the rest of the men from those submitted (with photos).  Occasionally she would ask for another woman to be included just to satisfy her urge to eat pussy and the men generally loved watching two women in a 69.  One thing my wife tried to do was get a few new men every gangbang.  She might even leave off someone who applied that she knew was a good fuck to include someone new.  This had a twofold purpose as it let her sample more and more of the men in the group and it let her increase the number of men she had fucked.  Now don't get me wrong, she would never have sex with a man just to increase her number but, if the opportunity presented itself, she didn't mind increasing her "notches on the headboard."  Once the gangbang started, it was up to the men to sort out the order in which they would go with one exception.  The moderator always went last with my wife.  The simple reason for this was all the men were required to wear condoms except the moderator.  You see, after her first gangbang, she found she liked the way the moderator fucked her and they occasionally met for some one on one sex.  So he went last in the gangbangs because he was allowed to fuck her bareback and cum in her.  This had a dual purpose.  First of course was just the simple act of fucking bareback and letting him cum in her.  According to my wife, this made the sex even more exciting to her just knowing I was watching him pump he cum deep in her.  The second purpose was to allow me to enter her using a man's cum as lube, something that always made my premature ejaculation even more premature.  I've actually cum just as I entered her knowing a man had just fucked her.

If you've read my other posts you know that I worked out of town a lot.  She tried to do the gangbangs only when I was home but once or twice, I had to work extra and didn't make it in time.  Also, the moderator of the group recommended her to another gangbang group in the city where I was working so that opened up an entirely new group of men for her.  So if I was at home, she could set up a gangbang with our local group or if she was visiting me, she could set up a gangbang there.  Now this wasn't a weekly thing but she sure tried to set one up at least once every other month or so. 

*Note: See the separate post for the story of my wife's accidental gangbang.

Now I know that gangbangs are not for everyone.  Some women don't mind taking on a lover but just couldn't do a large number of men.  Some husbands can watch and enjoy their wives taking on a man but watching a number of men take her would be beyond their limits.  However, if a woman is sure she can handle it without guilt and her husband is sure he can tolerate viewing it, I have to say there is nothing like watching man after man take and pleasure your wife.  My wife says there is nothing like laying in a bed and knowing that all the men in that room are going to fuck her at least once and some twice.  It may take some doing but try to find a group near you.  Believe me they are out there and most major cities will have at least one.  I also know that some online adult swinger sites like SexyAds or AdultFriendFinder have sections for groups looking for women.  Try it, you may very well like it.

The other day on Tumblr

The other day on Tumblr, someone posted a captioned picture similar to the one of Cassidy above.  The caption asked, "Does your wife know you want her to dress like this....then go out and fuck men?"  Well yes, my wife does know it and takes full advantage of it.  All the men she sucks and fucks also seem to be quite appreciative of my desire to be cuckolded as many times by as many men as possible.

I Think One Of My Boyfriends Is A Crossdresser

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A Different Cuckold Experience

I've seen my wife fucked many different ways.  I've held cocks to guide them into her pussy and sat 3 feet away watching while a man fucked her.  I've seen two men fuck her, I've seen three men make her air tight. I've seen ten men fuck her into little more than a quivering mess that I had to help into the car and she fell asleep before I even got the car cranked.  But yesterday, I had an experience different from watching, I got to listen to her getting fucked.  Now one of our "rules for cuckolding" has always been don't bring anybody home.  However, this was a little different.

First I have to explain something.  Our house is really two stories but because it's built into the side of a hill, you actually enter the house on the second floor.  Normally the downstairs would be called a basement but since it's above ground in the back and partially on the sides plus being completely finished, we don't call it a basement.  We have bedrooms there, bathroom with shower and a little den.  Finally, the house needs a new roof which is where the different experience comes in.

One of my wife's lovers owns a construction company and one of the things they do is roofing.  So we were having him come by and give us an estimate on the roof yesterday.  Now, it's been a little bit of a dry spell for my wife as it's been the end of April since she has been fucked.  As we were getting ready for bed Tuesday night, I asked what time Robert would be here to check the roof and she said 9:30.  I smiled and told her I felt like staying up very late to watch TV, that I would sleep downstairs and would probably sleep until around 11:30.  In other words, I was telling her she had my permission to fuck Robert in the house despite our rule.  She tried to say no but I could see her eyes light up and her nipples get hard at the thought.  I said yes,  headed to the downstairs and I did watch TV but did got to sleep around 2 am or so.  Of course I didn't sleep until 11:30...I was really up about 9:15.  I knew when Robert got here because I could here her get up from her chair and go to the door right at 9:30.  It was right around 10 when I heard the two of them walk back to the bedroom.  A bedroom and bed that sits right over my chair downstairs, by the way.  As I was sitting there watching TV, I could hear some rustling sounds which I think was Robert getting undressed and then I could hear the bed moving a little.  Let me interject two things about my wife here.  Number one is she requires very little foreplay to get her excited.  Kiss her nipples, run a couple of fingers over her pussy and she's spreading her legs saying, "Fuck me."  Number two is my wife is a screamer.  I don't mean loud moans, I mean screamer!  One of her lovers once wrote that he hoped the people in the next hotel room enjoyed listening to her cum as much as he did.  Anyway, it didn't take long before the sounds of the bed became the rhythmic sounds that are only made by two people fucking.  I know she had two good orgasms and the third...well I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call 911 to report a woman screaming.  It wasn't long after that third one that I heard the pace pick up and then stop suddenly when was Robert cumming in her pussy (he's one of the ones that doesn't have to wear a condom with her).  I heard my wife get up and go to the bathroom which meant she was going to clean up and getting a warm washcloth to clean his cock.  I'm pretty sure she cleaned him up and then started sucking his cock because before long, I heard her move around the bed.  Within a minute or so, the rhythm started up on the bed again, although a little slower and less frantic than the first time.  It also lasted a while longer but in the end, they were slamming together just like the first time.   With all the "Oh Shit"," Fuck Me"," I'm Cumming" and just pure screams it was like hearing a porno movie in the next room or something.  Finally, I could hear them getting up and before long, they were headed for the door.  When I heard the shower start upstairs I went on up.  I had to laugh when I looked in the bedroom.  The top sheet was on the floor, one corner of the fitted sheet was loose, a pillow and a sham were right where her ass would be so Robert had her positioned to stroke her good.  I also noticed that the only clothing evident for her was a pair of stockings, a garterbelt and one of her nicer satin robes.  Apparently that's what she wore to meet him at the door so he knew he was getting pussy from the start.  When she came out of the shower, I asked if a "thank you for sleeping downstairs was in order."  She just leaned in the doorway, rolled her eyes up and said, "Oh yeah!"

So how did I feel about that?  As far as I know, that was the first time she's fucked anybody in our bed.  I know she was getting a little horny so I was glad to "suspend our no one at home" rule for her.  I can say that I actually felt a few twitches from my cock.  I'm sure if I could still get an erection it would have been one of the "iron hard bar" type.  I wrote a couple of months ago she wanted to get Viagra or Cialis so I could try to fuck her but I managed to avoid it.  Yesterday, I almost wished I could get hard enough to fuck her because I've always loved sloppy seconds.  Knowing that her pussy is wet  while I fuck her because it was full of cum, not because I was turning her on used to be really exciting for me.  Two months ago, I didn't want to fuck her because it's not something a sissy does and yesterday, I did want to fuck her because I would be the cuckold wimp getting sloppy seconds.

Humiliation or Compliment

"Damn, you're good.  You suck cock exactly like your wife does.  She must have given you lesson's and let you practice on a lot of dicks."  Humiliation or compliment?  Well actually both.  Humiliation since my wife was right there beside him when he said it.  But also a compliment.  You see from what I understand, men with a lot of experience getting blowjobs consider my wife a world-class cocksucker.  That means, if I suck cock exactly like her, I'm a world class cocksucker.  I've never had any complaints from the dicks my wife let me practice on or the dicks I've found on my own.  In fact I was told by one that I gave the best blowjob he had ever had.  I guess two years of practice as a teen and lessons from my wife paid off. 

Is this what a woman feels the first time she's fucked?

In no way do I advocate the taking of any medicine not prescribed by a doctor.  The statute of limitations has run out on anything mentioned here.


I woke up the next day and realized that just a few hours earlier a dick was shooting a load of cum in my ass. I had been fucked by a man last night!  Yes, I had co-operated and, in fact, I was riding cowgirl when he shot that big load in me.  But in the light of day it was different.  OK, yes I love dressing in women's clothing and yes, I had sucked a cock when I was still in middle school but this was something else.  Last night I was not only dressed like a woman but I was used like one.  I had been fucked!  At that moment I hated him for fucking me. I hated myself for letting him seduce me. I hated him for the dried cum I felt in my panties. I hated myself for enjoying the feel of his dick sliding in and out of my ass.  Most of all, I was ashamed because I wanted the feeling of his cock in me again.  Is this what a girl feels when she loses her virginity?  Does she hate him for making her a woman and herself because she' gave up her innocence?  Is she ashamed because she wants to fuck again?  Is this what my wife felt when her high school boyfriend fucked her the first time?  Or maybe what she felt after an ex-boyfriend fucked her making me a cuckold when we had been married a couple of years.  What did all this mean?  I couldn't be a faggot, could I?  Yes I had loved sucking my neighbors cock for three years but we had been kids then and kids experiment with same sex relationships.  Now, years later, I wasn't a kid, I was an adult and I had let a thirty-seven year old bi-sexual man fuck me like a sissy faggot.  He had used me as a pussy just like he would have used his ex-wife.  Yes, I was really fucking stoned but is that an excuse?  Or did it just loosen me up and let me do something I wanted to do anyway? 

First a little background on him.  He was thirty-seven and divorced as I said.  About six foot three making him nine inches taller than me but fairly slim.  He lived by himself down the road from us in a house that belonged to his mother who was in a nursing home.  The two of us shared an interest in photography and we were always showing up at each others house to show off our latest photos.  While he never said or did anything overt, I always had the feeling when we were mounting our cameras on tripods, he would like to mount me on his mano-pod.  Little did I know.

How it all came about is really a cliche right out of sissy fiction.  Believe it or not, he actually caught me dressed.  This was before my wife found out that it was to her benefit sexually to have a sissy cuckold for a husband and back then basically just put up with my crossdressing but only if she was not there.  At the time this happened, she was to be gone for about six weeks helping take care of a seriously ill parent.  We had weird schedules at work and I was due for four days off, work seven days, then off two days.  I had taken those seven days of vacation time so I was going to be off for 13 days and I planned to spend a lot of that time in pantyhose and makeup.  It was late fall, going into winter so I was going to be wearing long sleeves and long pants for quite a while.  That allowed me to shave and Nair from neck to toe, from armpit to fingernails, something I had always wanted to do.  I started out in the morning planning on taking a very long time that day to get completely dressed.  I began with coats of red nail polish on my toe and fingernails, three coats each and letting them dry fully in between.  Oh, I forgot to mention that I also started the morning with a type of prescription mild amphetamine so that I would have "speed dick."  If you don't know what that is, amphetamines cause blood to be pulled into the body core which means that there is no excess blood flow to the penis.  No excess blood flow, no hard on.  Oh, you can get turned on but most men couldn't get an erection if the Playmate of the Year and Penthouse Pet of the Year were arguing over who was going to suck their dick.  Anyway, back to dressing.  By lunch time, I was wearing a pair of black panties with a strip of red and black lace across the front and suntan sheer to waist Sheer Energy pantyhose.  I was also wearing a panty girdle, my wife's long line bra and the half slip she wore with her really short skirts.  With my balls tucked up inside me and a shriveled dick, that girdle made me flatter than most women would be.  About that time I took a second amphetimine so if I was speeding before, I was flying that afternoon.  By around four in the afternoon, I was finished with my makeup (red lipstick of course) and was wearing a short red skirt (mine) with a white semi-sheer blouse of my wife's and a pair of black pumps (mine) with a three inch heel.  I had one wig and my wife had two but mine seemed to work best with what I was wearing.  It was a medium length dark blond with bangs.  I didn't really need the bangs to hide my eyebrows as mine have always been fairly thin and light but I liked the look with what I was wearing.  Oh, I forgot to mention that I have a very deep crease in each ear lobe which allowed me to pierce my ears but the holes not show.  I had done that several months earlier so I was wearing pierced dangle type earrings, a matching necklace and bracelet and a couple of rings that fit my little fingers along with my wedding band (ours matched).  By the time I finished everything, it was almost five and I walked outside for a cigarette (Eve menthol).  Because of the carport wall, the curve in our driveway, the curve in the road and a large shrub on one side, you had to be almost halfway up our driveway to see in the carport.  So I had no problem worrying about nosy neighbors.  I could enjoy the click of my heels, the red lipstick stain on my cigarette plus the feel of cool air and the slip swishing across my legs.  I had gone back inside, got something to drink and watched the news for a few minutes.  But that's another thing about speed, you can't stay with any one thing for a long time and another reason it took so long to get dressed.  You will start one thing, then start something else, then go back to the first thing. And I forgot to mention that I had taken a third capsule about four so I was back to flying again.  By that time it was dark and I had loaded up a bowl in my pipe and went back out on the carport.  I took a few hits off the pipe, took it back inside, got my cigarettes.  I standing at the back of my car, breeze blowing on and tickling my exposed legs and with that short a skirt, a lot of leg was exposed.  I had probably taken the third or fourth puff on my cigarette when a set of headlights were coming down the road.  Again, nothing to worry about except that instead of going around the curve, they came up my driveway.  Suddenly I'm standing there, cigarette up to my red lips lit by the headlights of his car.  I remember thinking, "Al can't be here right now, he's going to have to leave."  But of course he didn't.  He got out and came up, looking me over as much as he could in the dim light.  Of course he had all the questions of how long had I been dressing like this, etc.  We ended up sitting on the sofa with his arm on the back of the sofa behind me.  I have to admit he was sneaky plus between the speed and pot, my brain was running about five minutes behind my body.  He started by just barely touching my neck with his fingers but soon he was running them up by my ear and every stroke of his fingers was sending shivers through my body because the speed had me very sensitive.  Next it was a question of had I ever kissed a man.  I said no, that I had kissed a boy when I was younger but never a man.  He started kissing me but said I tasted like cigarettes and asked me to brush my teeth which I did. Al followed me into the bathroom and stood behind me rubbing my shoulders.  I freshened my lipstick and we walked back to the sofa.  As we sat kissing again, I felt his hand at my knee sliding up and down a few inches.  I really can't describe the feeling of his hand sliding over the nylon wrapped around my legs other than it was just overwhelming, like nothing I had ever felt before.  I don't know if I moaned but I know I was probably shaking like a leaf.  I'm pretty sure he knew I was his for the taking but he still worked slow.  He had me stand up and he moved the coffee table before removing the cushions and pulling out the sofa bed telling me if I would lay down, he would massage my legs.  Of course I wanted more of the feeling so I was back on the sofa in a hurry.  Al took his time and rubbed my legs from feet to the bottom of the girdle several times before he began pulling the girdle and hose off.  I hadn't noticed it but when he was in the bathroom with me, he had picked up a bottle of hand cream.  After he got my hose off, he started rubbing my legs with the cream and then asked me to take my panties off so he could massage my ass cheeks.  Yeah, I know but remember like I said, my brain was about five minutes behind.  Before long, he had  me laying on my side rubbing my neck and snuggling up behind me with my head on his arm.  I don't know when he took them off but I remember thinking Al didn't have his pants on.  Of course he was positioning his cock and pushing it into my ass.  I do remember when the head popped into me he stopped and asked if I was ok and I said I was fine.  It's kind of funny that he waited to ask me then but Al wanted to know if I had ever had sex with a man before.  I told him no, but the same boy I had kissed, I sucked his cock for three years.  After a minute or so Al started moving his hips pushing his cock deeper and deeper in me and I was really enjoying the feel of something in my ass.  I turned my head back over my shoulder and Al leaned in and kissed me more.  I do remember thinking I could really get into this kissing men thing.  I asked Al if we could try a different position and that's how I ended up cowgirl on him.  I would loosen up as much as possible to slide down on his dick and then tighten up as much as I could on the upstroke.  Of course I had learned that from my wife who had tremendous control of vaginal muscles. I think Al really liked that because he would moan every time I did it.  I don't think it took too long doing that before he grabbed me, yelled I'm cumming and tried to shove all of his dick and maybe his balls in me.  What amazed me was how hot his cum felt in my ass and how much of it he pumped in me.  I never realized you could feel the heat of cum like that. The next surprise I got was after I got a warm washcloth to clean his cock with.  By the time I got back, he had gone soft but in looking at it I thought how did that huge thing fit in my ass.  Even soft, Al's cock was bigger than my little one when I was hard.  I didn't realize then that Al was one of those who was almost as big soft as they were hard.  He was fairly thick and about seven and a half inches hard but when you consider that the last cock I saw up close belonged to the boy next door when I was 15, Al's seemed like a monster.

So that brings us back to the next day.  I felt  like a log had been shoved up my ass, I hated him and I hated me.  I hated me because I wanted to get dressed, go to his house as soon as he got home from work and ask him to fuck me again.  I wanted to call him and tell him to get up to my house and fuck me.  I was ashamed because I wanted to suck a man's dick instead of a boy's dick like I had when I was fifteen.  I was ashamed because I wanted him to make me his cocksucking sissy faggot slut, to use my ass as pussy for his pleasure.  I was ashamed because I wanted to spend all those days off making myself look as pretty possible so Al would want me.  I hated myself because I wanted Al to think I was the best fuck he had ever had and if he had a choice between fucking a hot woman and fucking me, he would choose me.  I hated myself and Al every day when I woke up but I loved it every night when Al was fucking me.  I did get to suck a man's cock for the first time and apparently I hadn't lost my touch in my seven year layoff.  I also found out that Al was good for more than one time a night.  That first night he didn't try for a second time because he didn't want to scare me.  What he didn't know was, as stoned as I was, when I was washing his cock after we had fucked, I wanted to suck it so bad but I didn't. Isn't it funny.  I spent three years sucking my neighbors dick from age thirteen to almost 16 and it never bothered me.  But the first time someone fucked my ass, I was so upset.  In the time since then, I think I know why.  As a child, and I'm talking about around age seven or eight long before I was sexually aware, I enjoyed having things in my ass.  I would put things like a golf ball, the handle end of my baseball bat, a broom handle or anything that would penetrate my ass.  I would use shampoo bottles in the shower and as a teen, I would run my arm between my legs, rest my hand on the side of the tub, group my finger and thumb together and see how much I could get in my ass,  I didn't know it was called fisting but that's what I was trying to do.  Once I got most of my hand in.  Basically, every chance I got, I was putting something in my ass and the larger the better.  So that's what I think subconsciously scared me when I enjoyed Al fucking me for the first time.  Sure I enjoyed giving what in essence was my middle and high school boyfriend blowjobs.  But I didn't wake up in the morning wanting to run next door and jump in his bed to suck his cock.  If I got a chance to suck his cock, I would and I would try to make his eyes cross when he shot cum down my throat but if we didn't get a chance, no big deal.  But when I woke up that next day after Al fucked me, I was scared.because the feeling of his dick in my ass brought back those thoughts of broom handles, bats, balls or whatever.  I wanted Al's dick in my ass again. I wanted him to pull up my skirt, pull down my panties and fuck me like a sissy faggot.  Today, that would be no big deal to me emotionally.   But then, it scared the hell out of me that I could possibly be a cock loving sissy.

Oh, two things for those who ask. One, although this reads like some sissy fiction you find online, it's not.  Al really did catch me dressed and fucked me that night.  Since he was a social worker specializing in drug abuse/addiction, I'm pretty sure he was quite aware of how stoned (and vulnerable) I was that night and knew I was easy prey.   Second, this was just before everyone had a cell phone and even if you did, the cell companies along with landlines charged for long distance.  My wife and I only talked once a week to avoid a huge phone bill so I didn't have to worry about her calling every night.

You know you are a cuckold when....

The other night my wife's cellphone rang and it turned out to be one of the guys she is fucking.  You know you are a cuckold when your wife sits six feet away from you and talks to her lover about the lingerie she has and what he would like to see her wear when he fucks her.  They settled on her red corset, black stockings and black heels (no panties) which happens to be her favorite "fuck me" outfit.  She's been known to wear only that with a fur coat over it during cold weather on visits to her lovers because she just loves the look on their faces when she takes off that coat and has nothing but that lingerie beneath it.  More than once she didn't get more than a few feet inside the front door before she was being fucked.  I think another reason she likes that corset is that I have to lace her into it and fasten the stockings in the back.  I'm pretty sure she enjoys it because it gives her a "bad girl" feeling when I have to help her dress to go fuck someone else.  Something else that will certainly let you know you're a cuckold and a sissy is what also happened during that phone call.  She looked at me while he was still on the phone and said that she had put a run in her black stockings last time she was at his house and did I have any stockings she could borrow.  So if he didn't know it before, now he knows that her husband is a sissy as well as a wimp who's wife fucks other men.  He said something to her and she looked over at me before telling him to hold on a second.  She got up and walked into another room but I could still hear her when she giggled and told him, "Over four and a half years."  So what he asked her was when was the last time she allowed me to fuck her.   Which is true.  It's been over four and a half years since I've fucked my wife.  Oh during the first year or two she would toss me a mercy blow job every three or four months but even that stopped about two years ago.  I also mentioned in another post that my wife is bi.  Yes, you know you're a sissy faggot cuckold when your wife has gotten more pussy in four and a half years than you and you are not jealous but you are jealous because she's gotten more dick than you in that same amount of time.

I'm In Love With A Woman

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Better Faggotry Through Chemistry part 1

First of all, I am not advocating anyone taking any medication not prescribed for them by their physician.  Now, that being said, I have been taking small doses of estrogen (estradiol) for about 15 years.  Not the big huge mega doses that transitioning TSs take to feminize their body and brain rapidly.  But tiny little doses that barely registered at first in the battle against that evil testosterone.  But gradually, just gradually over the years they began to take a toll, a welcome toll on my unwanted manhood. Oh occasionally a large dose of hormones was thrown in, generally to time with my wife so that if both of us had PMS, I was going to be the queen bitch of that time of the month.  Another advantage of low dosage was no large buildup in breast tissue, just maybe a triple A breast but damn have I got some fairly large sensitive nipples.  Let a man latch on to one of those babies for a couple of minutes pleasure and I'll be down on my knees.  But then usually all a man has to do is pull out a nice cock and I'll be down on my knees anyway. LOL  So yes, my breasts are sensitive but not the main effect that I was looking for.  When I started HRT my main goal was to destroy as much gonadal tissue as I could.  And to some extent it has worked.  To begin with, my right testicle, due to child hood damage was only half there where as the left side was close to normal.  What I had was chriptordism which is nothing more than an undescended testicle.  Due to the possibility of damage caused by body heat, most of these are discovered and corrected in infancy.  Mine was not discovered until I was 13 so the heat had taken its toll and although the doctor tried, over the years that testicle shrunk to about half size of normal and was basically useless.  Now with me me taking estrogen for a very long time, that right testicle has reascended and what little is left of it is nothing more than connecting tissue.  The left testicle is shrinking also and is now down to where the other was when all this began.  I'm almost tempted to just take a huge dose and shrink it also.  But I am basically satisfied.  For all intents and purposes, I am chemically castrated, I just still barely have one of my balls.  One of the side effects of chriptordism is that, while the not descended testicle has a high risk of cancer, the other testicle has an even greater danger.  I have hopes that I will find a urologist who will remove both due to my age.  It would be so lovely to have a flat groin under that shrunken penis.  That's the other advantage of estrogen.  It will eventually shrink you down from where you were.  Even with low doses over the years I have gone from around 5 1/2 inches to about 21/2 or maybe 3''.  Let's put it this way, If my wife wants a real man, she had better go find him because I sure as hell can't satisfy her with the little bit I have left.

Masturbation

Just a quickie post.  I've mentioned several times that it's been over two and a half years since I had sex with my wife, other than a few mercy blowjobs she's given me.  Now my wife is not a dominant and has no interest in controlling my orgasms but I do limit them myself by allowing three orgasms for every time she fucks one of her boyfriends.  I figure three is about right because almost all of the times I've watched someone fuck her, she cums at least three times, if not more.  Thankfully her four boyfriends have kept her rather busy lately and just in the last week I had earned the right to masturbate nine times but had already used up three of them.  Fortunately for me, I'm accruing three more orgasms this evening.  Darn, I was going to buy a wide-screen TV this evening.  I guess the only thing getting wide tonight is her legs for him to slide in and fuck her.  Oh well, I can get a wide-screen TV tomorrow AND have nine orgasms in the bank.

For Wannabe Cuckolds - Part 2

In part one, I mentioned that demon that can be let loose when a wife gets a taste of cock belonging to someone else besides hubby. 

I've read somewhere that sex with someone new releases a type of chemical in the brain that makes being fucked by that new person more exciting.  I mean think about it.  She's getting fucked, something she's done many times in your marriage but there is something intoxicating about that same act with a new partner.  It's that chemical causing the intoxication, that drug like high.  And we know that different people react differently to drugs.  Some can do it once, walk away and never really be interested in it again.  Others can "chip" occasionally without becoming addicted while some will become hopelessly addicted after two or three (and sometimes only one) times.  That's what happened to my wife.  She went from two threesomes spaced over 1 year into full blown addiction. This is about how she got there. 

I had set up a threesome with me and a friend to fulfill a fantasy for her of being fucked by two men.  It didn't hurt that the other person was WELL hung (8 3/4 and very thick) and that she was thoroughly fucked when we went home.  Then about a year later, I set up another threesome, this time with two men (Roy and Mike) with me watching.  The two men had done several threesomes like this and were able to tag team fuck her into total exhaustion.  I just about had to help her to the car she was so tired.  This was the point where things changed.  Let me interject that I was working out of town at the time, had been for quite a while, would be for the foreseeable future and only got home on the weekends.  On a Friday, during one of our daily calls I could tell she wanted to ask something but was stalling until she finally asked would I mind if she visited Roy the next week.  It seems Roy had called wanting to see her again.  (A note here that we discovered when we got to Roy's house for that threesome Roy only lived about a five to ten minute drive from my wife's office depending on traffic.)  It was nice that she was asking me even though she knew I wouldn't say no and I didn't but this was also far different from a couple of threesomes to fulfill fantasies.  This was my wife going to a man's house, letting him undress her, sucking his cock and fucking him in his bed.  This was not a fantasy that the two of us would be sharing, this was going to be her and a man while I wasn't there.  And the way she talked, it wasn't a one time thing.  This was going to be an affair!  The next Tuesday afternoon she called as she was leaving work at 4:30 to let me know she was going to Roy's house.  Before someone thinks she was rubbing it in, we had always let each other know where we were if we were not going straight home.  Anyway, I figured, five minutes out of the parking lot, ten minutes to get there, five minutes to get inside and at most, ten to fifteen minutes of foreplay that first time.  This would mean that by 5:05 that afternoon Roy was fucking my wife again but this time I three hundred miles away.  I can't really describe how I felt at that moment other than to say I was confused, humiliated, a little sick at my stomach, envious (she was fucking and I wasn't) and yes, at little turned on.  I don't think it would have made as much impact had it not been for the fact that I had been in Roy's bedroom during the threesome so I didn't have to imagine what it looked like.  I knew how it looked when Roy drove his larger 8" cock deep into her, how she would slam her hips up at him to meet his thrusts, how she would lay her head down on her arms and then suddenly throw it back and scream as Roy fucked her doggie style.  About 7:00 she called me to tell me she was home and her voice was like a kick in the balls.  I can only describe it as a soft, "I am so well fucked and satisfied" voice if that makes any sense.  A voice I had never heard from her after we had fucked.  Roy fucked her twice two days that week and I will admit to having a little difficulty getting it up when I got home that weekend knowing I was going to be compared to Roy and knowing I probably wasn't going to "measure" up in more ways than one.  At first our agreement was this was just a couple of times a week but soon she was asking for three, then four and occasionally five or more times a week.  The five or more occurred when she started to spend one or two nights a month with him because Roy had a pretty good recovery rate.  When she did spend the night, he would fuck her at the normal time when she got off work, that night when they went to bed and in the morning before she left for work.  It got to the point where Roy was her steady fuck and I was the guy she fucked once or maybe twice a week on the side.  Even the two weeks I was home for vacation she stopped by Roy's several times. 

At this point let me tell some of the things that happened while she was having her affair with Roy.  One evening when Roy wasn't going to be home until after 6:00 she went home, changed into a corset, stockings and that same faux fur coat (this was the first time she wore it for sex).  That plus heels was all she wore to drive 10 miles back to Roy's house and let it open just inside the door of the house.  According to her, Roy fucked her five feet inside the door when he saw what she was wearing.   Another time she was giving me a blowjob and she didn't back off when I started cumming, swallowing my cum instead.  This was something she had never done before and when I asked, she told me she had been doing it for Roy so she felt she should do it for me!  Wow, thanks.  Another time she mentioned something about how much Roy would cum.  I asked about seeing it inside the condom and she said they hadn't used condoms in several months.  One day they were in a real hurry and didn't think of the condom until it was too late so they just quit using them.  What I realized then was, on occasion, I had fucked her right after she left Roy and what I had put down to her being really wet was actually his cum.  I had gotten sloppy seconds...I had been fucking my wife through another man's cum. 

So there is more for you wannabe cucks to think about.  Do you want to take the chance that someone else will be your wife's main source of cock?  Do you want to lay in bed thinking about her spending the night with another man?  Do you want to fuck her using someone a man's cum for lube?  Do you want her comparing you to her boyfriend as you fuck her?  All of these are questions you need to ask yourself before she takes that first cock.  Can you really handle being a cuckold and basically thought of by her boyfriends as a wimp?

End of part 2 - Part 3 to follow

I Am A Sissy Faggot Cuckold

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Humiliation

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