Better Faggotry Through Chemistry part 1

First of all, I am not advocating anyone taking any medication not prescribed for them by their physician.  Now, that being said, I have been taking small doses of estrogen (estradiol) for about 15 years.  Not the big huge mega doses that transitioning TSs take to feminize their body and brain rapidly.  But tiny little doses that barely registered at first in the battle against that evil testosterone.  But gradually, just gradually over the years they began to take a toll, a welcome toll on my unwanted manhood. Oh occasionally a large dose of hormones was thrown in, generally to time with my wife so that if both of us had PMS, I was going to be the queen bitch of that time of the month.  Another advantage of low dosage was no large buildup in breast tissue, just maybe a triple A breast but damn have I got some fairly large sensitive nipples.  Let a man latch on to one of those babies for a couple of minutes pleasure and I'll be down on my knees.  But then usually all a man has to do is pull out a nice cock and I'll be down on my knees anyway. LOL  So yes, my breasts are sensitive but not the main effect that I was looking for.  When I started HRT my main goal was to destroy as much gonadal tissue as I could.  And to some extent it has worked.  To begin with, my right testicle, due to child hood damage was only half there where as the left side was close to normal.  What I had was chriptordism which is nothing more than an undescended testicle.  Due to the possibility of damage caused by body heat, most of these are discovered and corrected in infancy.  Mine was not discovered until I was 13 so the heat had taken its toll and although the doctor tried, over the years that testicle shrunk to about half size of normal and was basically useless.  Now with me me taking estrogen for a very long time, that right testicle has reascended and what little is left of it is nothing more than connecting tissue.  The left testicle is shrinking also and is now down to where the other was when all this began.  I'm almost tempted to just take a huge dose and shrink it also.  But I am basically satisfied.  For all intents and purposes, I am chemically castrated, I just still barely have one of my balls.  One of the side effects of chriptordism is that, while the not descended testicle has a high risk of cancer, the other testicle has an even greater danger.  I have hopes that I will find a urologist who will remove both due to my age.  It would be so lovely to have a flat groin under that shrunken penis.  That's the other advantage of estrogen.  It will eventually shrink you down from where you were.  Even with low doses over the years I have gone from around 5 1/2 inches to about 21/2 or maybe 3''.  Let's put it this way, If my wife wants a real man, she had better go find him because I sure as hell can't satisfy her with the little bit I have left.

Just a little teaser

A teaser until I get time to sit and compose something.

Did you ever wonder if your mother came to tuck you in and kiss you goodnight with cum on her lips because she just sucked a cock?  You're wondering now aren't you.  LOL

Weekend at an exclusive resort

Not me, of course, but for my wife.  She is spending the weekend at a very nice resort in another state very near where we used to live.  And of course she is spending it with a man she was fucking several years ago.  Back then this man (call him Bill) was a regional VP for a nationwide Fortune 500 company and was promoted to Senior VP which caused him to move to their corporate headquarters.  So back to this weekend.  Bill is making an inspection tour of his old region and he certainly is not staying in just any old hotel.  Let's put it this way, the cheapest rooms at this resort go for about $500 a night and for a villa like Bill is staying in, the price goes through the roof.  So for tonight and tomorrow night, my wife is sleeping and being fucked on 350 count Egyptian cotton sheets in a villa that's probably costing over $1500 a night for the basics, not counting room service, spa treatments and whatever the hell else they want.  I was told if I was a good boy, she would bring me one of those really expensive robes they put in the rooms.

As you know of course from reading earlier blogs I don't resent the men my wife fucks but I do have to admit that I have a little grudge against Bill.  Now to explain that one, we have to go back to 2002.  At that time, I was working a rather weird shift that got me home at around 9PM.  I couldn't take calls during work so I could only reach my wife during meals and breaks. I had talked to her on  my last break and we had planned a late dinner, a movie and (since I could still perform then) a little sex that night.Something just for us for a change. Especially since she had been out five nights before with other men.  I called on the way home but got no answer and arriving home, I did at least fined a note that told me Bill had called out of the clear blue and wanted her to come up to that resort for the night which she did.  So it was dinner at Waffle House, no movie and an empty bed for me.  Needless to say, I was quite pissed but at least she had the decency to call and wake me up around 3 am to check and see if I was ok.  It was at that point she realized I was pissed ( and realised she forgot about dinner, movies and sex or at least sex with me.)  She wanted to come home and make it up to me (it would have been 4:30 before she could had gotten home and I was tired so I told here no thanks.  That she should stay the night and the next day if she wanted.  She made noise about coming home anyway and I told her that he would have to sleep on the porch because I would put all the chains on the doors along with chairs in the doors to make sure she couldn't get in.  This was the beginning of the end as far as sex goes for us.  After getting stood up that night, I quit even trying with her and any sex was originated only by her.  After a while, she just quit trying and now it's been over 3 years.  Oh it's probably been 30 minutes to an hour for her if that long since she's with Bill now in the same resort.

So  back to the weekend.  Bill wanted her to come down and enjoy his waterfront ocean view villa with him.  Right, he wanted her to come down there so that he could fuck her brains out for two nights and two days.  Maybe I'll get one of those plush robes that are worth $10 and they charge you $100 for.  Bill gets her pussy for the weekend and I end up with a shitty robe.  Oh well.

Sissy

Oh Boy

Late last year one of my wife's boyfriends was transferred by his company to another city about 2000 miles away.  Since this one seemed to be her favorite of the four men she was fucking at the time, she was, to say the least, disappointed.  Today when she got a note from him that he is moving back, I swear her pussy was wet and her nipples hard while she answered him.  As she described her lovers, #1 was just interested in fucking with minimum foreplay which is ok with her because she does love a nice hard fuck.  While their styles varied, #2 and #3 were similar in that they both liked a good bit of foreplay and while, #3 has a couple of inches on #2, #2 likes to cuddle afterwards while #3 is usually needing to get back to work.  So between the two of them it balances out.  Now for #4, the one moving back.  His idea of foreplay is lunch, followed by some mild petting in the living room before adjourning to the bedroom for an after lunch snack of pussy.  He doesn't even consider penetration until she has had at least two orgasms before he begins working her over with what I'm told is a nicely over sized cock.  To top it off, when he travels, he always brings her a little something as a gift.  Once on an overseas trip he even brought her tea, biscuits (cookies to us) and jam.  Now with her other boyfriends (except #2 most of the time) if she isn't really in the mood, she'll put them off for a day or two.  #2 usually plans a week or two in advance so she generally meets him on his schedule.  However, when this one (#4) calls she's usually in his apartment and ready before you can say cuckold.  Several things have happened this year to cause a decrease in her fucking her men, business travel, weather since one has a business greatly impacted by weather and some family illnesses.  But with number 4 coming back, I have a feeling that my cuckolding is going to increase in frequency.  This would normally be welcome since I always allowed myself 3 masturbations for every time a man fucked her.  However the last two times she's been with her lover, normally the only time I get an erection it's been dead, nothing, nada, zip, zero reaction.  It stays at it's little 1.5 to 2" shriveled up size so not even a chance to masturbate.  Who knows, my pathetic little imitation of a real man's cock may have had it's last hurrah.  I can always hope so anyway.

Sissie

What Type of Cuckold Are You Test Results

I found a quiz online that determines what kind of cuckold you are from four categories.  They are the Sissy GF Cuckold, the Sexually Useless Cuckold, the Passive Cuckold and the Active Slave Cuckold. This is my score:

You Scored as sissy gf cuckold

you are a slutty little girl wanabe, so you understand how important it is for your wife to be delt with by a real man. sometimes you even double date with her and get treated and like the slutty girl you are.

sissy gf cuckold 100%

sexualy useless cuckold 100%

pasive cuckold 67%

active slave cuckold 17%
 
The top two categories showing 100% means I tied between sissy gf and sexually useless cuckold.  Both are accurate since I have double dated with her (actually several menage a trois fluffing her boyfriends and cleaning up afterward).  Add to that a cock which, on the rare occasion it gets hard, is still less than 3 inches and is usually about 1 inch and limp as week old lettuce.  Something like that certainly adds up to sexually useless.  As far as 67% passive cuckold goes, I sometimes help fasten her stockings to her garterbelt, pick out her clothes to wear, help with her makeup and even make suggestions about what lingerie to buy at the store ("John would like that on you" or "Bill would drool seeing you in this.")  I kiss her goodby when she's leaving to visit a lover and tell her to have a good time.  I kiss her when she gets back knowing she's sucked his cock and ask if she had fun.   I would call that pretty passive.  Finally since we really aren't into the domme/sub roles, 17% active slave is about right.     I think it's pretty accurate for just a 12 question quiz.

You can find it at: http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/new/kinkybeckytv/what-type-of-cuckold-are-you/

Luv ya all,
Sissie

Penis size charts

 I've been looking at some penis size charts lately just to see how I measure up or maybe that should be how I really don't measure up.  Chart A up above is the authentic women's penis preference chart, compiled from a survey done of women and what size cocks they preferred.  If you notice on the chart that A blocks marked in red are what women consider ideal or perfect.  Green B blocks are very satisfying but not ideal while cream C blocks are satisfying. Blue D blocks are enjoyable and white E blocks are not enjoyable as too small or large or any combination of the two. So now let's just look at 3 people on this chart starting with John.  If you locate John on the top right of the chart, you will notice that his is actually listed as an area as not enjoyable and I have to dispute this.  John was only the second person (so I thought at the time) to fuck my wife after me.  Despite what the chart says, I watched her face when John slid that 8.75" long, 8"circumference cock into my wife and in no way was she not enjoying it.  John stroked his cock into her and she orgasmed. John fucked her really slow, she orgasmed.  John fucked her hard, she orgasmed. John kissed her, she orgasmed.  Basically whatever John did to her caused an orgasm.  Although she only got to spend a few hours with him, she was damned impressed.  So despite what the women who took this survey say, some parts of the "not enjoyable" area are in fact enjoyable, at least to some women.  But hey, my wife loves big cocks anyway.
Now let's look at the center of the chart, the red blocks labeled A.  This is the heart of the chart and shows the size cocks  the women surveyed for this like best.  If you will notice, there is a black dot on one of the red blocks with the name Roy beside it.  Roy, as I've talked about before, was the third person ( again so I thought at the time) to fuck my wife after we were married.  Just as a refresher so you don't have to look in other posts, her first time with Roy was a MFM with Roy and a friend of his.  We had set this up for the two of us so that we (wife and I) could actually fulfill a fantasy.  But about 10 days later we were talking on the phone when she told me Roy had called and he "wanted to see her again and was it OK with me."  Suddenly it was no longer about us, it was about her and her pleasure; this wouldn't be fulfilling a fantasy, this would be an affair.  Since I was working out of town at the time, I had no way to prevent her from doing it and if she was asking she was going to do it anyway so I said yes it was fine.  But the agreement was only twice a week at the most.  So she would stop at Roy's house (five minutes from where she worked) usually on Monday and Thursday.  Soon though it was things like "can I stop by today, too?" on a Wednesday or "traffic was really heavy so I stopped at Roy's for a few minutes" (90 minutes of so).  Gradually twice a week per our agreement became 3, then 4 and then 5 times a week with her sometimes spending the night.  Basically she was becoming addicted to Roy's cock and even when I was home on weekends she would ask if I minded her running by his place for a little while.  It's been more than 8 years since she last fucked Roy's "perfect" cock but I know she still thinks about it.  She's looked to see if he's on Facebook and even drive's by his house occasionally so she still misses fucking him.
If you look at the lower left hand side of the chart, you will see a black dot labeled Me that is actually off the chart on both length and circumference.  Short and narrow.  Need I say anything else?
Check the next two charts and then move on below them to read more.

You've looked at these two charts, the first of which is average penis length by age and you will notice a black dot between the columns for 11 and 12 year old boys.  If you look a little closer, you'll also notice that the dot is at about the same point as average length for a 12 year old boy.  Yep, the average 12 year old boy has a cock slightly larger than mine and beyond 12, I get left behind.  What's makes me even more pathetic is looking at the second chart.  Notice that the normal size range for 10-11 year old boys is 1.6 to 3.1 inches which is a 1.5 inch variance.  Now apply a bell curve to that and the top 10% of 10 and 11 year olds will be somewhere between 2.95 and 3.1 inches or to put it another way if I walked into a room with 100 fifth grade boys, 10 of them would have a bigger cock than me.  By age 12, about 50% would have bigger cocks than me and by age 15, it increases to 99%.  Does that explain why women have actually laughed at me when they saw what I have or rather don't have?

UPDATE: Now that I've been castrated, my penis has shrunk to the size of an infant/toddler.  I am now right at 1" limp and being a eunuch with no testosterone, limp is a permanent condition.

 

Finally let's look at Kinsey's chart on penis length.  If you notice on the low end, Kinsey didn't even allow for anyone under 3.75 inches so again I'm not even on the chart.  If I had to guess, probably under 3 inches would be .001% which would be 1 in every 100,000 men would have a dicklette like me instead of a real cock. If you move up to 8 inch cocks you'll see that 1% of men, or 1 in 100 have a cock that big.  Of course, as I wrote earlier, Roy had such a cock and she was fucking him regularly for at least two years.  Now move on up to the 8.75 inch cocks and it becomes 1 in 1000 men with a cock that size.  So she's been fucked by one of the smallest and fucked by two of the best.  Is it any wonder she hasn't wanted to even try getting my cock into her pussy for 3 years?  Or is it any wonder that she has a date with one of her boyfriends next week and will probably be fucking him on my birthday.  Oh well, usually when she's got a dick in her, I manage to get an erection so maybe I'll actually be able to masturbate on my birthday.  That would be nice.

Hmmm, I wonder what a DNA test would show

Over my earlier posts, I've discussed that I'm a sissy, a faggot, a cuckold and just a general overall wimp.  After all, if given a choice between sex with my wife and sucking a big cock hard to guide it into her, I would suck the cock!  I'm pretty much impotent and about the only time I can even get an erection is when I know she's in some man's bed with his cock buried deep in her.  I don't know exactly how long it was but the first time she cuckolded me was a few months after we were married with an old boyfriend.  So now you will understand why, when my son dropped by the other day to visit I started wondering.  Now he looks a lot like my wife in many ways.  He's also blonde, broad shouldered, tall and (from seeing him accidentally a few times as a teen) WELL HUNG.  A great combination of everything that I am not!  In fact, no one in my family or her's is built anything like him.  I did get to thinking about it, remembering back to that time when she got pregnant.  One of my childhood friends was around a lot back then and he is blonde, broad shouldered, tall and well hung.  Kind of makes you wonder doesn't it?