Chicken Can Cause Boys To Be Born With A Small Penis

You can't make this stuff up.  A noted animal rights group came out with the claim that eating chicken, and especially chicken wings, during pregnancy can cause boys to be born with a small penis.  Of course scientists say that the group is full of chicken something and it's not wings.  Now I don't know if what they claim is true or not but, if it is true, my mother must have eaten a LOT of chicken when she was pregnant with me.

Right Out Of A Nathanial Hawthorne Novel

Yesterday my wife spent most of the day with one of her boyfriends.  He had told her to wear some clothes that would be suitable for running around town so when she left, she was wearing sneakers, long denim skirt (so she didn't have to wear panties) and a t-shirt with her jacket over that.  After they spent the morning in bed (fuck, nap, fuck again) he took her out to hit some flea markets in the afternoon.  Since she didn't have a hat with her, he gave her one of his ball caps.  (Apparently he's a Braves fan and has a few of their hats.)  Anyway when she got home, I took one look at her when she came in the door and started laughing.  She looked at me and said, "What?"  I was still laughing and just said, "That's so appropriate."  Finally, I took her hat, turned it around and showed it to her.  "What color is the letter?"  She started laughing, grabbed the hat and started playfully hitting me with it.  You see, the hat he gave her was white with the Atlanta logo on it.  So after being fucked by a man not her husband, my wife was walking around all day wearing a white hat with a big, scarlet A on it. 

I Wonder Who It Was She Fucked Saturday

I think I've mentioned it before but whenever my wife if fucking someone, she always tells me who, when and where.  The main reason for this is her safety as there are some rather crazy people out there.  Saturday I had several things to do and she knew I would be gone for several hours.  Last night, I happened to notice her favorite pair of black panties in the area we hang dry delicate items so  I reached up to feel them and yes, they were wet.  If she wears panties instead of going bare to meet one of the men she's fucking this is the pair she normally picks.  Plus she was in an extraordinarily good mood last night.  Now all of this indicates that sometime between when I left and when I got home, my wife got a serious fucking but I don't know who from.  And of course, I'm not going to ask.  However I have a feeling I do know who it was.  I talked about Robert when I wrote about being downstairs and listening to her fucking right over my head.   Also, I don't know if I've mentioned it but Robert is also the man she went on a five day road trip with.  What I think happened is something that has happened several times before.  If Robert is working anywhere close by, it's not unusual for him to come pick her up at lunch and go somewhere for an hour or so fuck session.  He's the same guy that dropped off some building supplies at the house once in preparation for a project then told her to get in the truck.  He looked at me as he walked back to his truck and simply said, "I'm going to take your wife off and fuck her for a while."  Of course I just said, "OK" and went back in the house.  What makes me think Robert took her somewhere is her car hadn't moved unless she managed to get it back in the exact same spot it was sitting in when I left.  Robert is the only one of her lovers that has ever picked her up at home and she wouldn't have worn those panties if she was simply fucking someone in the house.  Also she wouldn't have washed them out like she did unless the crotch was full of cum.  So all the evidence points to, while her sissy faggot husband was gone, my wife was well fucked.  I'm glad for her since she deserves real men with normal or larger cocks and great staying power instead of a premature ejaculating, small dicked wimp like me.  After all, my pathetic little cock hasn't been in anything in over five years so one of us deserves a lot of pleasure.  I'm just happy it's her getting it.

Pregnant Sissies

I've seen a few pictures online of sissies wearing maternity clothing and in various stages of "pregnancy."  It's understandable, when you think about it,  that if you are trying to appear as feminine as possible, you might want to include a little time "with child."  Just do a Bing search for pregnant crossdressers and you'll find a lot of photos.  Now I have to say I have actually spent a little time myself working on a personal maternity look.  So I thought I might give a few tips to some of you sissies that might be contemplating trying that bun in the oven look.

The first suggestion I have is get yourself one or two maternity outfits.  What I bought was one nice dress with a short sleeve overjacket for warmer weather and a pair of maternity pants with a long sleeve top for cooler weather.  I don't know if they still make them but L'eggs Sheer Energy used to make a maternity version that was the same as their regular Sheer Energy except it had an expandable panel in the front.  (Spanx does make maternity hose)  This was very handy for holding in everything I'm going to tell you about.  If you can't find Sheer Energy, try to find some kind of good support maternity hose. Next, you'll need one of the egg crate foam rubber mattress pads you find at Wal-Mart, etc.  Yes, that's right, egg crate foam mattress pad but just get the one for a single bed.  Also while you're at it, pick up some pink balloons but not the thin little stuff you find for birthday parties that will explode if you blow them up to 8-10 inches.  I'm talking about the thick rubber balloons you would find at a party store that can be blown up quite large say around 2 feet.  However, we're not looking for size here but sturdiness.  Finally, if you can find one, get an all-in-one that would be made for someone with a slightly larger figure that yours.  This can be tough if you're a bigger girl.  Being smaller than many women, this is something I didn't have a problem with.

Now, step 1.  Find several pictures of women in various stages of their pregnancy.  Note how the baby bump is located on a woman.  It's not just a round ball on top of her stomach, it actually starts below the breasts and tapers a little down to the baby's location and then sharply tapers back to the groin.  Now, cut a section of that mattress foam to fit your body.  It should start narrow at the top, widen out to the waist and then taper back in rapidly to the groin.  You can cut so that you have a piece hanging down that will go back between your legs if desired.  Cut a second piece of foam the same shape as the first but smaller by an inch to two inches.  Now cut a third piece even smaller and slightly more rounded than the previous two.  Now take the first two pieces you cut out and lay them together with the smaller one on top.  At the widest spot of the two, locate the centerline of the pieces and cut a three to four inch hole.  One tip here.  Take all three pieces of foam and angle the edges so they round off a little front to back. Now take your balloon and fill it with water, in fact, use several of the balloons you bought and fill to different sizes.  You will most likely find you need a smaller balloon than the one you first filled.  OK, lets assume you've already put on your maternity hose and you have your all-in-one pulled partially up.  Place the first two layers of foam in position tucking them down into the hose.  Now put the water filled balloon in the hole we cut in those two layers finally placing the third layer on top.  Pull your all-in-one up making sure that the foam lays flat.  Look in a full length mirror to make sure everything is centered and not off to one side or the other.  There is always the possibility that you will need to make adjustments in the size of the foam you cut making it either larger or smaller.  Also, when you get your all in one, it wouldn't hurt to get the long leg style.  This will allow you to cut a couple of pieces to fit on your hips making them a little wider.  Plus if you've got a small or even no ass, you'll need to cut a couple of pieces for that.  If you look at a woman's ass, it is basically heart shaped so make your two pieces of padding add up to a heart with a round bottom instead of a point.  At this point, your ready.  Put on the maternity outfit you choose fix your makeup and you are good to go girl.

Just for fun, if you have a boyfriend, dress like this for him one day and as soon as you open the door, snarl at him, "You son-of-a-bitch, look what you fucking did to me!"  I did this to a couple who are "very close" friends and the look of momentary horror on his face was hysterical.  We teased him all through dinner about "knocking me up" and how his wife would be the godmother.

Additional Tips

• Be conscious of how you sit and bend down/over.
• Watch how pregnant women walk, sit, bend down an act in general.
• Rub your belly occasionally and smile if you are in public. (Don't do this only when people are looking because then it will be obvious you are faking.)
• Walk with a waddle and keep your legs wide. When you sit down, spread out your legs and cross your ankles.
• Put some blush on your face (Dark red-bronze) You may want to add some on you arms too. (some pregnant women have a change in skin color) (Also they might be hot or morning sick so that is another reason their face is darker.

More Reasons Your Wife Does Not See You As A Man

You actually know the difference between mauve and rose.

You know the difference between taupe hose and gray hose.

You can put on a pair of Cuban heeled seamed stockings and get the seams straight the first time.

You know what a Cuban heel is.

Your wife just uses the little applicators and pads that come with makeup.  You have a kit of professional makeup brushes including three separate brushes for eyeshadow alone.

She has called you a slut and was joking.

She has called you a slut and was serious.

She has called you "a bitch" in anger.

You ask her if her favorite lover is mad at her since she hasn't seen him in a month.

She hasn't slept with any of her lovers in a couple of weeks and you tell her she needs to get out more.

Her idea of spending a pleasant April weekend is at a resort on the beach fucking a lover.  Your idea of a spending the same pleasant April weekend is wearing some of your French maid uniforms and working from Friday night to Sunday night giving the house a thorough spring cleaning.

You are hand washing your most delicate lingerie and you thoughtfully ask her if she needs any of hers done while you're at it.

She has watched you walking out of a building with your leg flashing out of the slit in your skirt and commented when you got in the car about how sexy your legs are.

Your wife's tramp stamp is a Polynesian tribal tattoo.  Your tramp stamp is soft green vines, pink flowers and pastel butterflies.

Your wife got her bellybutton pierced after seeing how cute yours looked.

In Memorium - A Special Lady

I really question whether I should write this although it doesn't make any difference now plus a lot of people won't believe it anyway.  I feel like I need to write it though but, even so, I've still waited a few months to finish it.  We subscribe to our major city newspaper along with a "local county" newspaper and in that local newspaper a while back, I saw an obituary.  The woman who passed away was an only child, parents already deceased, no children and never married.  She was also a teacher but never taught at any of the schools I went to.  The reason her name stood out was she lived on the street beside us and I did her yard work...mowing her lawn and such.  When I say the street beside us, we lived on a corner lot and had a very long back yard.  The street that ran alongside our back yard went down past the house behind us before it made a turn but it had houses across the street facing our yard and she moved into one of those houses when I was 13.  I can't say that she was really beautiful because she wasn't but I would say she was cute.  She was at least 20-25 pounds overweight which really showed up on her because she was barely five feet tall and she was really quite well "gifted" in the breast department.  Now I've talked about how much I loved sucking D's cock but at age 14, with raging hormones, I was certainly fascinated by large breasts also, having seen my father's Playboy magazines.

Anyway, during the summer when I was 14, I would mow her grass when ever she asked and I was usually wearing shorts, a t-shirt and sneakers since where we lived it got really hot and humid.  When I would finish mowing her front yard, she generally invited me in to cool off for a few minutes and get something to drink. We would sit and talk but I have to say that I'm sure, with her cup size, I wasn't subtle about staring at her.  And, of course, looking at them gave me a hard on, not that I needed an excuse like any teen that age.  I epect that, with her being overweight, she probably didn't get the attention from men most women get so I guess being lusted after by a young boy was a turn on for her.  Gradually over the summer she started touching me on the arm or standing near me when I was sitting down cooling off so that those breasts were right at eye level.  I had been at summer camp for two weeks and when I got home, she wanted me to cut the grass as soon as I could.  I went over the next morning and before I got started mowing, she invited me in for a moment.  She told me that she had missed me while I was gone and was glad I was back.  She gave me a hug from almost the side but trapped my arm between those objects of fascination.  Of course having my arm between them produced an instant erection.  The kind of erection a friend of mine used to say was so hard the cat couldn't scratch it.  It would gradually subside as I mowed the front yard until I thought about how soft her breasts were and I was instantly hard again.  After finishing the front, I went in for the usual cool down and drink.  She had made some lemonade which she brought over to the table and as she set it in front of me, she hugged me again, this time from behind with my head between her breasts.  Naturally it was instant hard on again and almost cumming in my pants.  At that age, I was sure it was an accident  since women didn't rub their breasts on you on purpose.  And I was really embarrassed because I didn't want her to see me getting hard.  My head was spinning by this time just from the sensory overload of feeling her breasts against me so it was a little bit of a shock to realize she was rubbing my shoulders.  I'm sure you can see where this is going but I'm not going to give every little detail since this is a tribute to her, not an erotic story.  Let's just say it went,  on that and other days, as far as your imagination will take you. I learned a lot from her, much of which benefited D next door but that's beside the point.  This is just my dedication to a special lady.  Was I the only one she ever blessed?  I don't know and don't care.  All I care about is may she RIP.

An Interesting Sensation

Or should I say lack of sensation.  We have a tube of ointment in the medicine chest that contains mint and lidocaine, a topical anesthetic that is absorbed through the skin creating a numbness.  Now first of all, this is not your garden variety of over the counter ointment but is a prescription so it is much stronger.  I noticed the tube in the medicine cabinet the other day and, of course, this got my warped, depraved, fucked up brain to thinking.  What is this were applied to my limp little imitation of a cock?  Granted I am totally fucking impotent but I still feel sensations although nothing strong enough to cause an erection.  But could I make it totally numb if my little nub were exposed to the ointment for a good length of time?  And how to keep the ointment applied so that it doesn't rub off?  To solve that problem, I took a small prescription bottle, smeared some ointment around the sides of the bottle, smeared a little more on the head of my tiny cock and slid the bottle over my little dicklette.  The ointment has a greasy base that acted as a lubricant but yes, I fit inside a small prescription bottle!  Then to hold it in place, I pulled on a very tight pair of panties.  Starting out, the mint in the ointment began creating it's own sensations producing a slight burning that at the same time was kind of pleasant.  I noticed as time went on the burning began changing to a slight cold sensation which finally changed to nothing at all.  I was totally numb but I wanted to make sure so I left my cock in the bottle absorbing the anesthetic for a total of two and a half hours.  When I took it off I wanted to see just how numb it was so I took my thumb and forefinger and flicked it as hard as I could.  Oh, I could feel the impact but nothing else. To test this out, I pulled out my slinkiest pair of PJs and put them on.  Even though I can't get an erection, they still normally feel pleasant rubbing my little cock.  This time?  Nothing, it was like my cock wasn't even there and you know something?  I liked it!!!