A Constant Reminder You Are A Cuckold

For the cuckolds among us does your wife keep something which constantly reminds you of your status as a cuckold.  Mine does.  First of all, she has her photo album/memory book/scrap book.  It's one of those that is supposed to be a photo album and you can add pages to it until it gets full.  Then you simply screw in another peg into the existing peg and you have double the space.  Add two pegs and it's triple the space.  It sits on her dresser and anytime she's feeling sentimental, she looks through it.  It's amazing some of the things she keeps in there.  First, on the cover is a picture of her being double penetrated, eight inches in her pussy and six in her mouth.   Many of the earlier items are details she wrote about her meetings which she would copy into the computer, print out and place in her book.  Some are articles she wrote for the online magazine of the sex site she advertised on.  Articles about how great another member of the site was when they got together and how he fucked her silly. Others are e-mails from various lovers about their get togethers...some of those are romantic and sweet while others get very very graphic.  She has other things along that line such as receipts, napkins and coasters from motels, restaurants and bars, usually with a guy's name on it.  In some cases whatever she has is blank but most of them have a man's name on them.  She has the receipts from every time she's spent the night or nights in a motel with a man, his name and the date/dates.  Also included are tags off of gifts that men have bought her including jewelry and such.  Finally there are the pictures.  There's at least one from every gang bang she's done except one where no one had a camera.  She could have called me for a camera as I wasn't but about five miles away but I don't think she wanted me to see how many were at that gang bang or else she didn't want the sissy me exposed to someone who could have been hateful/dangerous.  I really do think she was looking out for me that time.  There are also photos of her in various stages of undress plus one of her in her corset, stockings, boots and fur coat.  That's all she wore to drive across town to meet her lover that day.  Also she has photos of her in the act with many of her lovers.  But I guess the one thing that reminds me most of my cuckold status is an 8x10 framed portrait of my wife taken in a local park.  It's a beautiful portrait with just perfect lighting and composition and it sits also on her dresser.  This park has some really nice little cabin like structures so you could get in out of the rain if needed.  Three walls were solid and the fourth wall had an open air window and a door. The door and window was just that, an opening in the wall with nothing to close.  The guy she was with is a professional photographer and the scene he set up was wonderful.  They has hung around the park until no one else was there.  It was in the evening as the sun was going down because he wanted to take advantage of that natural light and he filled in with a flash.  He set up his camera on a tripod and had my wife pose with here arms folded on the bottom window sill and her chin resting on her hands.  She has this enigmatic, Mona Lisa type smile on her face and in the portrait, he (the photographer) is standing behind her with both arms stretched around her and his hands resting on the window sill beside her arms.  You really have to look close to see the remote control he used to take the picture in his hand.  It simply looks like two people looking out a window.  What you can't see in the photo is that my wife's skirt was up over her waist, her panties were in her purse and he had his cock buried in her pussy.  Yes, my wife has a portrait of herself being fucked on her dresser that I see every day along with her "Fucking Memories" scrapbook.  So even when I'm not thinking about the fact I've been cuckolded by all those men, I'm being reminded of it.  And I love it!!!!!

Sissie

How To Ruin Your Wife (For sex with you that is)

A little back story first.  From what she will admit to, I was the third person ever to fuck my wife.  The guy she had been dating broke up with her after the second time he fucked her since all he wanted was her cherry.  According to her description he was about 6 inches and normal thickness.  The second guy she fucked was again about 6 inches but she did say he was kind of thick.  However, he was a complete asshole and she only fucked him 4 times before she broke up with him.  Then she met me although I think there was another guy in there but she's never admitted it because she knows I couldn't stand him.  Now on a really good day when I was at my best, I probably measured out at about 5 1/2 inches and maybe a little
thicker than normal (that's based on experience from the different cocks I've sucked).  So we went along for a couple of years with her getting what she could from my efforts and if you've read other entries you know I have a premature ejaculation problem.  Therefore we started to include toys into our sex life with some dildos that were longer than me.  I found out by accident that talking about someone else fucking her when I used the dildo really got her going and gave her some great orgasms.  It seemed the more I talked about it, the harder she would cum.  I also found out about the same time that somewhere a few months after we were married, she had fucked her first boyfriend.  This was her first boyfriend when she was in something like the 7th or 8th grade and she had wanted to fuck him since she was barely a teen.  Again when she finally told me about it, she described him as about 6 1/2 to 7 inches and slender.  So here we are with her having been fucked by four or maybe five different but fairly similar sized cocks.  There is also a slight possibility that there was a sixth but, if there was, she will never admit it.

Now, from earlier blog entries you know that I'm on the rainbow side of bisexual and a sissy also.  That's where I found the cock that "ruined my wife" so to speak.  It was just before computers started coming down in price so not everyone had access to the internet.  I had an ad in a magazine called TV/TS Chronicle looking for men or couples interested in a sissy like me.  I was working out of town as I mentioned in other entries and was contacted by a guy.  He was bi, could act as male or sissy, his wife was a dominant cuckoldress and he was switch, dominant or submissive.  What he wanted from me though was to meet me, him as male, me as a sissy in full drag the way you would go to a woman's apartment for sex.  I met both of them for dinner at a restaurant first and we got along really well.  I thought at first that she would be there to watch but she was going to be out of town the day he was meeting me.  However, she assured me that she would call me and I could tell her all about it. She did and it was such a surreal but wonderful conversation talking to her about having sex with her husband.  What I found out though when we met at my apartment is he is huge!  You can go back and look at my entry on penis size to see just how big John is but let me put it this way.  I can take every inch of a normal eight inch cock and deep throat it or take it in my ass with a little pain.  When I sucked John's cock I could only get about half of it in my mouth, even trying to force my head forward didn't work.  When he slid it into my ass the first time, even though I had spent the morning working my ass with a dildo and had used a vaginal cream syringe filled with KY to lube my ass, it still hurt.  And I'm not talking about a twinge of pain, I'm talking about taking your breath away, tears in your eyes, begging him to hold still for a minute type of pain.  At it's widest point, John is about the size of a Coca-Cola can and about an eighth of an inch short of nine inches.

As I said earlier, I had been telling my wife that I was going to get someone to fuck her whenever we used the dildo and it always seemed to really light a fire in her.  So I told her that I had it all arraigned and that she was going to get fucked very soon.  What we had set up was this.  John had to make a business trip to visit a big customer in a city about 150 miles from us but since he had to drive through our town, he was going to stop for a couple of days and see some smaller clients.  So the night we had set this up, I had my wife dress nicely with a garterbelt, stockings and heels, no panties or bra and one of her nice cocktail dresses over it all before we drove downtown to the hotel where John was staying.  As we went up the elevator and walked down the hall I could see a little smile on my wife's face.  I had her stand where she couldn't see in the room and knocked on the door.  It was when the door was opened from inside that her eyes went wide, her mouth dropped open and she realized that I had not set up a romantic evening for the two of us but there was indeed a man inside the room. John opened the door and, as we had talked about, he ducked back into the bathroom.  I led my wife into the room and asked her if she was sure she wanted to do this.  She didn't say anything but did nod her head up and down emphatically.  I had her take off her dress and then took the two leather cuffs and placed them on her wrists before sitting her down on the bed and blindfolding her with a wool lined leather blindfold.  It was this point where I called John to come out and he sat down beside her while I sat on the other side.  At first her hands were in her lap while we took turns kissing her and then began playing with her nipples.  When we pulled her legs apart, she reached over with each hand and grabbed us.  Her hand of course wrapped easily around me but her hand didn't even come close to going around John's cock.  She squeezed me and then I could see her squeeze John's cock, she squeezed me again and then moved her hand around John's cock realizing how big it really is.  This is the point where I think my wife was really ruined regarding sex with me because, when she felt how huge that cock is, she said, "OH MY GOD!"  Also by this time with the two of us playing with her and knowing what was getting ready to happen, her pussy was soaked.  We laid her back on the bed, locked her wrist cuffs together and I held her arms over her head as she started sucking me.  Meanwhile John was in position between her legs and she was so wet, pretty much with one shove he was buried in her.  So much for sucking me as her mouth went slack, she let go with a loud moan and if she hadn't been blindfolded I'm pretty sure I would have seen her eyes go unfocused.  I think I wrote in the Penis Size Charts that John slid in her pussy she orgasmed, John fucked her hard, she orgasmed, John fucked her slow, she orgasmed, John rested for a minute, she orgasmed, John shot cum in her pussy and she orgasmed.  After John had cum in her, I got my chance and you've heard the jokes about hitting one side or the other, that's pretty much what I was doing.  But it was also when I discovered something.  When I realized that I was fucking her through another man's cum, that I was getting sloppy seconds, I started cumming hard.  I found out that I liked being the second (or seventh) in her pussy. When I orgasmed,  I went and got a warm washcloth to clean her up some and by then John was hard again.  Needless to say, she was delighted by that and of course delighted by John going even longer the second time.  She screamed, shoved her hips up at him as hard as she could, moaned, she thrashed around or in other words, she gave all the indications of a woman getting her brains fucked out, something I had never been able to do.  All the way home she kept saying, "Holy fuck I can't believe he made me feel like that" over and over plus she had this look on her face I've seen many times since then when men have given her great sex.  But that was the night my wife became a size queen.  After that we set her up an ad in an online sex site to meet men and, after she found out she liked pussy too, women.  With the men, if she met them and liked them, she would fuck them once or twice no matter what their size.  But the ones she stuck with for long term affairs were mostly the well hung men.  Like I said, she became a size queen when I ruined it for my little cock.

Expectations of a Cuckold

I was reading the other day where most people would say a marriage is a 50-50 proposition.  That each person should contribute 50 per cent to the union but the writer was saying, in reality, each person should give 100 percent.  In other words, every action by each partner should be made with how it affects the other partner in mind.  Of course anyone who has been married for more than a couple of months knows this is basically impossible.  In any marriage, one person is going to benefit more than the other.  Oh sure, it may be very close to 50-50 but generally it's going to be more lopsided to one partner or the other.  But as we go along in a marriage, we develop expectations of behavior from our partner. Sometimes, actions that go outside those expectations by one partner are going to cause hurt because the other partners needs or feelings were not considered and this can/will lead to arguments.  This is especially true in a cuckolding relationship.

What got me to thinking about this was a blog by someone else, who is also in a cuckolding marriage, regarding an argument they had. Their argument started because both were in a bad mood but transformed into some hurtful things being said by both parties.  Unlike my sissy/cuckolding relationship where my wife and I are generally on equal terms and relate like sisters, their relationship seems to be more one of dominant workplace wife to submissive work from home (with some travel) bi sissy.  The wife apparently has a steady boyfriend as does the sissy although how the frequency of her meetings with her lover compare with the frequency of the sissy's meetings I don't know.  But the blog did get me to thinking about arguments my wife and I have had due to not meeting the expectations we each had for our relationship.

A few of our expectations were actually set out by the two of us when she began cuckolding me and having sex with real men outside our marriage.  For instance, we agreed that no one ever be brought into our home.  We agreed that she would never meet anyone more than twice a week, she would always call me and tell me who she was with and where they were meeting.  We agreed that condoms would always be used.  An unspoken expectation was we always set aside time for ourselves.  She never, that I know of did bring anybody home but I worked out of town so I can't swear to it.  The never meet anyone more than twice a week was for a couple of reasons but the main one was to prevent any emotional attachments from developing.  Well, that went out the window pretty quick in that she was meeting one of her early lovers as many as five or six times a week and I know that she did develop an emotional attachment to him. Most of the time she would use condoms until she really got to know a man but, after a trust was achieved, condoms would go by the wayside.  So even though we set boundaries or expectations, they were in some ways flexible.  For instance, the no more than twice a week increase was with my permission after she asked me.  But sometimes, there was a violation of those expectations that cause hurt feelings many times on my part that lead to arguments.

I will admit, in some of our arguments, I was spoiling for a fight and she would give me the excuse.  Remember, I was working 300 miles away (you do what you have to when your job moves to another city), staying in a tiny apartment and working a quite stressful job.  I would get to go home on the weekends but generally, after travel time, I was only home 24-36 hours.  An example of how an argument might come about was, when we still had any type of sexual relationship, she was giving me a blowjob which is something she LOVES doing (with any man not just me).  Now never in our marriage had she ever swallowed.  At the point of cumming, she would normally slap a washcloth, her panties, my panties, or whatever was handy over me and let me cum into them. This particular night was early in our cuckolding relationship and, as I warned her I was close, she just took every bit of me (all 5" at the time) and started swallowing.  When I finished cumming, she smiled at me and I asked what brought that on?  Her answer was if she could swallow Roy's cum, she thought she should at least swallow mine.  Well of course that hurt like hell in that, one, she wasn't using condoms with him and two, she felt like if she was doing it for her lover she might as well do it for me.  I told her thanks a lot for the mercy blowjob and I asked when they stopped using condoms. She said one day they were in such a hurry to fuck, they forgot the condom and just stopped using them.  That didn't start a knock down drag out fight but for the remainder of my time at home it was pretty icy and she knew I was upset. 

A great example of going outside a boundary was when I was working in town for a few days.  I had to work a little late and while I was on a break, I called her and told her not to plan anything that evening.  When I got home I was going to take her out for a late dinner and back home for a little fun (at the time we still occasionally made love).  Now remember, my average length was 5 inches (5 1/2 if I got REALLY hard) and I did have a premature ejaculation problem. Anyway, I went back to work where I couldn't receive calls and had to have my cell turned off.  When I left work about 6:30 or 7, I stopped at a local chain grocery that had a floral department and bought her a nice bouquet of flowers and headed home.  In the 20 minute trip home I tried to call the house phone three times but got no answer.  When I got home the first thing I noticed was her car was gone.  When I walked into the bedroom, I saw several of her sexier lingerie sets on the bed like she had been choosing among them along with a note.  It seems that a former lover had called her just after the last time we talked.  He had been promoted to V.P. of his company causing a move to another city but he was back for a conference and was staying at a nearby resort.  So she had taken off without even thinking of the evening we had planned to spend then night with him in luxury villa.   I tried to call her cellphone but it was off so I left a voicemail telling her how much I appreciated and how wonderful our romantic evening had been.  She finally got the voicemail message about 3am and called me to tell me she was on her way home instead of spending the rest oft he night.  I told her not to bother  and not to show up before 9 because that was the earliest I would take the chains off the doors.  I really didn't chain the front door and  I was still asleep when she did get home but I think she knew I was pissed when she walked into the living room.  I had shredded her bouquet of flowers all over the carpet and threw the lingerie she didn't take with her on top of the shredded flowers.  She came into the bedroom and tried to be all lovey but I think the nicest thing I said about her in that argument was when I called her an "inconsiderate bitch" as she was trying to explain how excited she was that Bill wanted her to come up and spend the night with him so she just didn't think of anything else except the sex with him.  

Another thing that she does and I know it isn't intentional but used to bother me is, after a session of really great sex, her voice gets this soft, sexy, "I have just been so well fucked" tone.  What bothers me about it is in the years when we had sex, I never, ever heard that tone from her after we finished.  Since we haven't had sex in about 4 years and 9 months, it doesn't bother me much at all anymore but I will admit that one of those times I was in that aforementioned bad mood and spoiling for a fight she called me with that quality in her voice.  It seems that Roy had fucked her three times in less than eight hours and must have turned her every which way but loose.  I sort of lost it and told her she didn't "have to rub it in by sounding like she enjoyed it so fucking much."  As the saying goes, "And that was when the fight started."

The worst fight we had was actually over the where and who with rule.  Again, I was out of town and working midnight shift.  She left me a message that she was going out with a couple of girlfriends of hers so I probably wouldn't be able to reach her on my nightly call before I left for work.  I didn't see anything wrong with that because I knew both of her friends and she had been out with them before.  So I waited until I got to work to try and call at eleven.  No answer.  Midnight, no answer. One, no answer,   Two, three, four, five, no answer.  At six in the morning, I left another message that if I hadn't heard from her by eight, I was calling the police.  That was more intended to scare her than anything else because this was about 3-4 weeks after she had started fucking Roy so I was pretty sure I knew where she was.  I got off at seven and just as I was leaving work my cell phone rang.  She was at home and wanted to make sure I didn't call the police. I asked where she had been and she said she had gone over to Roy's house the night before but didn't plan on staying.  She said they fell asleep and she didn't wake up until 4am and got home a little after six.  I said wait a minute, at four in the morning it's a 15-20 minute drive from Roy's house to ours so why did it take two hours to get home.  Well it turned out that she was going to shower before she left Roy's but he joined her in the shower and then back on the bed so she didn't leave until around five-thirty, got home, changed clothes for work and called me.  I think it was somewhere around that time that I simply hung up on her.  Of course my cell started ringing again and I turned it off.  Then the apartment phone started ringing so I unplugged it.  Needless to say she was leaving a lot of messages on my cell but I kept it off and didn't call her back for two days.  She was wanting to know what time I would be getting in that weekend at home and I told her I had no desire to see her or talk to her that weekend so I wouldn't be home and she could spend the whole weekend with Roy if she liked because I didn't care.  She ended up using some frequent flyer miles to fly to where I was and called me from the airport to pick her up.  When I got to baggage claim I just sat in the car, letting her load her own bag which was a message unto itself.  Also when she got in the car, instead of a kiss I was as far away from her as I could get leaning on the drivers side door.  Now my wife has a unique knack.  I swear she could commit a bank robbery and in three sentences, have a police officer convince he robbed it.  On the way home from the airport she was somehow trying to make it my fault I was furious with her for lying to me about where she would be.  That was when I exploded and told her she could take that transfer of guilt and shove it up her ass, it wasn't going to work this time.  She said if I was going to be that way about it I might as well take her back to the airport.  Wrong thing to say.  Next intersection I made a U-turn and before she knew it we were at the departing flights/check in side of the airport. I think she was trying to call my bluff and got out with her bag.  I immediately hit the electric locks and drove off and she ended up taking a cab to my little apartment.  What she apparently thought was it would be a thrill to spend the night with Roy without me knowing but, since I was working midnight shift and could call all night long, she didn't think that one through at all.  It took almost a month before that argument ended and even then I told her it would be a cold day in hell before I would trust her again.  Over a couple of years, that all faded but, at least on my part, some of the hurt inflicted has never gone away.  Oh don't get me wrong, I still enjoy the humiliation of knowing that probably 99 per cent of men can please her far better than I can.  I enjoy the humiliation of fluffing her lovers when I can, I enjoy the humiliation of holding a man's cock and guiding it into my wife.  I enjoy the humiliation of knowing many of  her lovers laugh at me behind my back.  But what I don't enjoy is the violation of what is expected from her in exchange for the 250 or so lovers she's had, the expectation that she will consider my feelings before saying or doing something.  Now don't misunderstand me, I've done my share of stupid things that have hurt her feelings, too.  But in reflection, I don't think I've done it near as many times as she has.  Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think so.

What I'm trying to say in a long winded way is that, no matter how your cuckolding relationship is based, whether it be Domme/sub, equal partners, platonic or what, there needs to be boundaries.  The cuckold needs to know what to expect and what not to expect.  For instance, I mentioned those from my marriage, some of which have been kept and some of which haven't.  But let me give another example.  Suppose a husband enjoys the cuckolding but is in no way bi-sexual.  It would be unfair of the wife to somehow trick her husband into eating a cream pie or to expect her husband to fluff her lovers.  To me, that would be no big of a deal and actually enjoyable.  But to a totally heterosexual husband, that might be something that could destroy the marriage.  Even if the husband expressed an interest into such, it should still be discussed between the two before any such thing is attempted.  Right up to the last second, hubby should still be given the opportunity to back out without any repercussions from the wife or her lover.  Surprises in a relationship should be based on something that is a KNOWN desire not something one wants to do to or have done to the other partner.  But the reverse is true also when you think about it.  The wife needs to know that, upon arriving home after being fucked by a real man, her cuckold is not going to go crazy jealous on her.  The fact that her panties in the laundry are crusted with dried cum cannot upset him. She needs the security of knowing that being fucked by a man or men is not going to damage her relationship with her cuck. 

So for those who are considering such a relationship, talk about it and make sure it's something you want to delve into.  It can and probably will cause some hurt feelings and arguments.  If you're already in such a relationship, consider setting some boundaries and expectations.  It may cause some hurt feelings and arguments but it may prevent some also.

Humiliation or Compliment

"Damn, you're good.  You suck cock exactly like your wife does.  She must have given you lesson's and let you practice on a lot of dicks."  Humiliation or compliment?  Well actually both.  Humiliation since my wife was right there beside him when he said it.  But also a compliment.  You see from what I understand, men with a lot of experience getting blowjobs consider my wife a world-class cocksucker.  That means, if I suck cock exactly like her, I'm a world class cocksucker.  I've never had any complaints from the dicks my wife let me practice on or the dicks I've found on my own.  In fact I was told by one that I gave the best blowjob he had ever had.  I guess two years of practice as a teen and lessons from my wife paid off. 

Is this what a woman feels the first time she's fucked?

In no way do I advocate the taking of any medicine not prescribed by a doctor.  The statute of limitations has run out on anything mentioned here.


I woke up the next day and realized that just a few hours earlier a dick was shooting a load of cum in my ass. I had been fucked by a man last night!  Yes, I had co-operated and, in fact, I was riding cowgirl when he shot that big load in me.  But in the light of day it was different.  OK, yes I love dressing in women's clothing and yes, I had sucked a cock when I was still in middle school but this was something else.  Last night I was not only dressed like a woman but I was used like one.  I had been fucked!  At that moment I hated him for fucking me. I hated myself for letting him seduce me. I hated him for the dried cum I felt in my panties. I hated myself for enjoying the feel of his dick sliding in and out of my ass.  Most of all, I was ashamed because I wanted the feeling of his cock in me again.  Is this what a girl feels when she loses her virginity?  Does she hate him for making her a woman and herself because she' gave up her innocence?  Is she ashamed because she wants to fuck again?  Is this what my wife felt when her high school boyfriend fucked her the first time?  Or maybe what she felt after an ex-boyfriend fucked her making me a cuckold when we had been married a couple of years.  What did all this mean?  I couldn't be a faggot, could I?  Yes I had loved sucking my neighbors cock for three years but we had been kids then and kids experiment with same sex relationships.  Now, years later, I wasn't a kid, I was an adult and I had let a thirty-seven year old bi-sexual man fuck me like a sissy faggot.  He had used me as a pussy just like he would have used his ex-wife.  Yes, I was really fucking stoned but is that an excuse?  Or did it just loosen me up and let me do something I wanted to do anyway? 

First a little background on him.  He was thirty-seven and divorced as I said.  About six foot three making him nine inches taller than me but fairly slim.  He lived by himself down the road from us in a house that belonged to his mother who was in a nursing home.  The two of us shared an interest in photography and we were always showing up at each others house to show off our latest photos.  While he never said or did anything overt, I always had the feeling when we were mounting our cameras on tripods, he would like to mount me on his mano-pod.  Little did I know.

How it all came about is really a cliche right out of sissy fiction.  Believe it or not, he actually caught me dressed.  This was before my wife found out that it was to her benefit sexually to have a sissy cuckold for a husband and back then basically just put up with my crossdressing but only if she was not there.  At the time this happened, she was to be gone for about six weeks helping take care of a seriously ill parent.  We had weird schedules at work and I was due for four days off, work seven days, then off two days.  I had taken those seven days of vacation time so I was going to be off for 13 days and I planned to spend a lot of that time in pantyhose and makeup.  It was late fall, going into winter so I was going to be wearing long sleeves and long pants for quite a while.  That allowed me to shave and Nair from neck to toe, from armpit to fingernails, something I had always wanted to do.  I started out in the morning planning on taking a very long time that day to get completely dressed.  I began with coats of red nail polish on my toe and fingernails, three coats each and letting them dry fully in between.  Oh, I forgot to mention that I also started the morning with a type of prescription mild amphetamine so that I would have "speed dick."  If you don't know what that is, amphetamines cause blood to be pulled into the body core which means that there is no excess blood flow to the penis.  No excess blood flow, no hard on.  Oh, you can get turned on but most men couldn't get an erection if the Playmate of the Year and Penthouse Pet of the Year were arguing over who was going to suck their dick.  Anyway, back to dressing.  By lunch time, I was wearing a pair of black panties with a strip of red and black lace across the front and suntan sheer to waist Sheer Energy pantyhose.  I was also wearing a panty girdle, my wife's long line bra and the half slip she wore with her really short skirts.  With my balls tucked up inside me and a shriveled dick, that girdle made me flatter than most women would be.  About that time I took a second amphetimine so if I was speeding before, I was flying that afternoon.  By around four in the afternoon, I was finished with my makeup (red lipstick of course) and was wearing a short red skirt (mine) with a white semi-sheer blouse of my wife's and a pair of black pumps (mine) with a three inch heel.  I had one wig and my wife had two but mine seemed to work best with what I was wearing.  It was a medium length dark blond with bangs.  I didn't really need the bangs to hide my eyebrows as mine have always been fairly thin and light but I liked the look with what I was wearing.  Oh, I forgot to mention that I have a very deep crease in each ear lobe which allowed me to pierce my ears but the holes not show.  I had done that several months earlier so I was wearing pierced dangle type earrings, a matching necklace and bracelet and a couple of rings that fit my little fingers along with my wedding band (ours matched).  By the time I finished everything, it was almost five and I walked outside for a cigarette (Eve menthol).  Because of the carport wall, the curve in our driveway, the curve in the road and a large shrub on one side, you had to be almost halfway up our driveway to see in the carport.  So I had no problem worrying about nosy neighbors.  I could enjoy the click of my heels, the red lipstick stain on my cigarette plus the feel of cool air and the slip swishing across my legs.  I had gone back inside, got something to drink and watched the news for a few minutes.  But that's another thing about speed, you can't stay with any one thing for a long time and another reason it took so long to get dressed.  You will start one thing, then start something else, then go back to the first thing. And I forgot to mention that I had taken a third capsule about four so I was back to flying again.  By that time it was dark and I had loaded up a bowl in my pipe and went back out on the carport.  I took a few hits off the pipe, took it back inside, got my cigarettes.  I standing at the back of my car, breeze blowing on and tickling my exposed legs and with that short a skirt, a lot of leg was exposed.  I had probably taken the third or fourth puff on my cigarette when a set of headlights were coming down the road.  Again, nothing to worry about except that instead of going around the curve, they came up my driveway.  Suddenly I'm standing there, cigarette up to my red lips lit by the headlights of his car.  I remember thinking, "Al can't be here right now, he's going to have to leave."  But of course he didn't.  He got out and came up, looking me over as much as he could in the dim light.  Of course he had all the questions of how long had I been dressing like this, etc.  We ended up sitting on the sofa with his arm on the back of the sofa behind me.  I have to admit he was sneaky plus between the speed and pot, my brain was running about five minutes behind my body.  He started by just barely touching my neck with his fingers but soon he was running them up by my ear and every stroke of his fingers was sending shivers through my body because the speed had me very sensitive.  Next it was a question of had I ever kissed a man.  I said no, that I had kissed a boy when I was younger but never a man.  He started kissing me but said I tasted like cigarettes and asked me to brush my teeth which I did. Al followed me into the bathroom and stood behind me rubbing my shoulders.  I freshened my lipstick and we walked back to the sofa.  As we sat kissing again, I felt his hand at my knee sliding up and down a few inches.  I really can't describe the feeling of his hand sliding over the nylon wrapped around my legs other than it was just overwhelming, like nothing I had ever felt before.  I don't know if I moaned but I know I was probably shaking like a leaf.  I'm pretty sure he knew I was his for the taking but he still worked slow.  He had me stand up and he moved the coffee table before removing the cushions and pulling out the sofa bed telling me if I would lay down, he would massage my legs.  Of course I wanted more of the feeling so I was back on the sofa in a hurry.  Al took his time and rubbed my legs from feet to the bottom of the girdle several times before he began pulling the girdle and hose off.  I hadn't noticed it but when he was in the bathroom with me, he had picked up a bottle of hand cream.  After he got my hose off, he started rubbing my legs with the cream and then asked me to take my panties off so he could massage my ass cheeks.  Yeah, I know but remember like I said, my brain was about five minutes behind.  Before long, he had  me laying on my side rubbing my neck and snuggling up behind me with my head on his arm.  I don't know when he took them off but I remember thinking Al didn't have his pants on.  Of course he was positioning his cock and pushing it into my ass.  I do remember when the head popped into me he stopped and asked if I was ok and I said I was fine.  It's kind of funny that he waited to ask me then but Al wanted to know if I had ever had sex with a man before.  I told him no, but the same boy I had kissed, I sucked his cock for three years.  After a minute or so Al started moving his hips pushing his cock deeper and deeper in me and I was really enjoying the feel of something in my ass.  I turned my head back over my shoulder and Al leaned in and kissed me more.  I do remember thinking I could really get into this kissing men thing.  I asked Al if we could try a different position and that's how I ended up cowgirl on him.  I would loosen up as much as possible to slide down on his dick and then tighten up as much as I could on the upstroke.  Of course I had learned that from my wife who had tremendous control of vaginal muscles. I think Al really liked that because he would moan every time I did it.  I don't think it took too long doing that before he grabbed me, yelled I'm cumming and tried to shove all of his dick and maybe his balls in me.  What amazed me was how hot his cum felt in my ass and how much of it he pumped in me.  I never realized you could feel the heat of cum like that. The next surprise I got was after I got a warm washcloth to clean his cock with.  By the time I got back, he had gone soft but in looking at it I thought how did that huge thing fit in my ass.  Even soft, Al's cock was bigger than my little one when I was hard.  I didn't realize then that Al was one of those who was almost as big soft as they were hard.  He was fairly thick and about seven and a half inches hard but when you consider that the last cock I saw up close belonged to the boy next door when I was 15, Al's seemed like a monster.

So that brings us back to the next day.  I felt  like a log had been shoved up my ass, I hated him and I hated me.  I hated me because I wanted to get dressed, go to his house as soon as he got home from work and ask him to fuck me again.  I wanted to call him and tell him to get up to my house and fuck me.  I was ashamed because I wanted to suck a man's dick instead of a boy's dick like I had when I was fifteen.  I was ashamed because I wanted him to make me his cocksucking sissy faggot slut, to use my ass as pussy for his pleasure.  I was ashamed because I wanted to spend all those days off making myself look as pretty possible so Al would want me.  I hated myself because I wanted Al to think I was the best fuck he had ever had and if he had a choice between fucking a hot woman and fucking me, he would choose me.  I hated myself and Al every day when I woke up but I loved it every night when Al was fucking me.  I did get to suck a man's cock for the first time and apparently I hadn't lost my touch in my seven year layoff.  I also found out that Al was good for more than one time a night.  That first night he didn't try for a second time because he didn't want to scare me.  What he didn't know was, as stoned as I was, when I was washing his cock after we had fucked, I wanted to suck it so bad but I didn't. Isn't it funny.  I spent three years sucking my neighbors dick from age thirteen to almost 16 and it never bothered me.  But the first time someone fucked my ass, I was so upset.  In the time since then, I think I know why.  As a child, and I'm talking about around age seven or eight long before I was sexually aware, I enjoyed having things in my ass.  I would put things like a golf ball, the handle end of my baseball bat, a broom handle or anything that would penetrate my ass.  I would use shampoo bottles in the shower and as a teen, I would run my arm between my legs, rest my hand on the side of the tub, group my finger and thumb together and see how much I could get in my ass,  I didn't know it was called fisting but that's what I was trying to do.  Once I got most of my hand in.  Basically, every chance I got, I was putting something in my ass and the larger the better.  So that's what I think subconsciously scared me when I enjoyed Al fucking me for the first time.  Sure I enjoyed giving what in essence was my middle and high school boyfriend blowjobs.  But I didn't wake up in the morning wanting to run next door and jump in his bed to suck his cock.  If I got a chance to suck his cock, I would and I would try to make his eyes cross when he shot cum down my throat but if we didn't get a chance, no big deal.  But when I woke up that next day after Al fucked me, I was scared.because the feeling of his dick in my ass brought back those thoughts of broom handles, bats, balls or whatever.  I wanted Al's dick in my ass again. I wanted him to pull up my skirt, pull down my panties and fuck me like a sissy faggot.  Today, that would be no big deal to me emotionally.   But then, it scared the hell out of me that I could possibly be a cock loving sissy.

Oh, two things for those who ask. One, although this reads like some sissy fiction you find online, it's not.  Al really did catch me dressed and fucked me that night.  Since he was a social worker specializing in drug abuse/addiction, I'm pretty sure he was quite aware of how stoned (and vulnerable) I was that night and knew I was easy prey.   Second, this was just before everyone had a cell phone and even if you did, the cell companies along with landlines charged for long distance.  My wife and I only talked once a week to avoid a huge phone bill so I didn't have to worry about her calling every night.

Toys In The Attic

OK, the toys are not in the attic but more like in my wife's pussy.  They are kept in a large bag that my wife strangely calls her "toy bag."  A very few of the toys are ones that we/she bought but most are ones that she has acquired elsewhere.  In particular one of the men fucking her always liked to use toys as part of foreplay before he slid his cock into her pussy.  He told her he liked her right on the edge of an orgasm before he fucked her.  The thing about it was he never liked to use the same toy twice so he was always buying something new and after they finished fucking, he would give her the toy to take with her.  She has a bag full of dildos, vibrators, nipple clamps, wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, blindfolds, a couple of butt plugs, assorted lubes and such.  About the only thing she doesn't have in that bag is a feeldoe.  Now if you aren't familiar with that, it's a type of toy designed for a woman to fit into her pussy with a normal dildo on the outside to fuck her friend with.  One feature of the feeldoe is some little ridges built into it so that the woman doing the fucking rakes her clit back and forth over those ridges. 

They also come with a vibrator so that both get even more enjoyment.  As I said, my wife doesn't have one but one of her girlfriends does.  My wife said it's interesting to be on her back being fucked by her friend and then a few minutes later being between her friends legs fucking her.  And that, as much as she enjoys both eating pussy and being eaten, she likes being able to fuck her friend and cum while doing it.  The one toy she loves best though was when the same friend called to tell her that she had a friend my wife needed to meet.  This guy had a Sybian and her friend wanted my wife to try it out.  Now again, if you don't know what a Sybian is, imagine a half barrel with a very large, hugely powerful 120 volt vibrator built into it.  Then there are a LOT of attachments that can be snapped onto the top of it.  Attachments like this one that is the size my wife rode:

That's seven inches long and seven inches around which means it's just smaller around than a soda can.  Notice also the small ridges that will rub the clit.  My wife's friend told me that after her third orgasm, my wife was just barely aware of what was going on around her and just sat there shaking with that massive thing in her pussy.  You can be sure that every time he was in town, my wife and her friend made sure he brought that Sybian and once she even went to see him.  According to my wife, she's had some pretty powerful orgasms when she's been gangbanged but she said she's never cum like she has on that Sybian.  I'm sure if they were less that $1500 we would own one. 

You know you are a cuckold when....

The other night my wife's cellphone rang and it turned out to be one of the guys she is fucking.  You know you are a cuckold when your wife sits six feet away from you and talks to her lover about the lingerie she has and what he would like to see her wear when he fucks her.  They settled on her red corset, black stockings and black heels (no panties) which happens to be her favorite "fuck me" outfit.  She's been known to wear only that with a fur coat over it during cold weather on visits to her lovers because she just loves the look on their faces when she takes off that coat and has nothing but that lingerie beneath it.  More than once she didn't get more than a few feet inside the front door before she was being fucked.  I think another reason she likes that corset is that I have to lace her into it and fasten the stockings in the back.  I'm pretty sure she enjoys it because it gives her a "bad girl" feeling when I have to help her dress to go fuck someone else.  Something else that will certainly let you know you're a cuckold and a sissy is what also happened during that phone call.  She looked at me while he was still on the phone and said that she had put a run in her black stockings last time she was at his house and did I have any stockings she could borrow.  So if he didn't know it before, now he knows that her husband is a sissy as well as a wimp who's wife fucks other men.  He said something to her and she looked over at me before telling him to hold on a second.  She got up and walked into another room but I could still hear her when she giggled and told him, "Over four and a half years."  So what he asked her was when was the last time she allowed me to fuck her.   Which is true.  It's been over four and a half years since I've fucked my wife.  Oh during the first year or two she would toss me a mercy blow job every three or four months but even that stopped about two years ago.  I also mentioned in another post that my wife is bi.  Yes, you know you're a sissy faggot cuckold when your wife has gotten more pussy in four and a half years than you and you are not jealous but you are jealous because she's gotten more dick than you in that same amount of time.