And now for something completely different

I know that all of my posts have been about what a sissy wimp cuckold I am.  And yes, I haven't had sex with anyone in going on 4 1/2 years despite the fact that my wife has remained quite well fucked during that same time.  But once up on a time, I was a teenager and my hormones were raging.  Granted, as I wrote in another post, I was spending a lot of time with a dick in my mouth but that doesn't mean that I didn't have thoughts of girls when I masturbated.  You pump that much testosterone into anyone, even a cocksucking sissy like me, and they are going to be interested in getting some pussy.  Now where am I going with this?  Well, there is a web site that has a LOT of amateur women who post nude, nearly nude and/or hard core sex pics of themselves for a subscription fee.  However, they all give samples of their last three photo shoots for free trying to draw members in.  Now there is one woman on there who is in her mid to late 50's, looks 40's and according to her info has 3 children and 6 grandchildren.  She doesn't specify what sex her grandchildren are but let's assume that one of them is a teen or soon to be teen boy.  Now, grandma is 4'11", 109 pounds and has a 36D-24-36 figure (yes she's had a boob job).  She has a belly button piercing and I would expect unknown to grandkids a piercing further down.  OK, so now imagine you are a 13 year old boy and your grandmother is HOT.  This HOT!

Now you tell me that as a hormone raging teen, you're going to be hanging around grandma's house a LOT of the time.  Personally, remembering the fact that I would masturbate sometimes as much as 4 or 5 times a day, if it was me, I would be fantasizing about getting grandma into a compromising position when grandpa wasn't home.  Hell, with today's kids and the access they have to things like ecstasy grandma would be pretty easy pickings.

An Interesting Story of Castration (Almost)

I read an interesting story on a erotic fiction website called Literotica.  I'm sure many are familiar with the website which has many categories of fiction including one called Loving Wives.  The thing about it is most of the wives in these stories are loving someone other than their husbands.  The particular story I read was called "See Ya."  It's the story of a willing, chastity caged cuckold who is suddenly asked by the police to come down to the station to view a video.  When he starts watching, his wife is is talking with some women friends at lunch in a restaurant and telling about her plans for castrating her husband.  She basically says she's going to give him a mickey and a surgical nurse friend is going to do the castration while wifey gets fucked doggie style by her lover so they can both watch.  I won't say any more about the story in case you want to read it but I have to say this one certainly got me going.  As I read, picturing myself tied down with legs spread and being castrated while being watched by my wife who was getting fucked by a real man's cock doggie style, I actually felt a little twitch between my legs.  There was an ever so slight growth toward an erection in what has been pretty much useless for quite a while.  Oh don't get me wrong, it wasn't anything close to actually getting hard enough to use, just a very, very slight firming replaced almost immediately by it's normal flaccid worthless state.  But it did get me to thinking.  As I've written before, I'm a wimp, cuckold, sissy faggot who has fluffed my wife's lovers, held their cocks and guided them into her, watched them show her what it's like to be fucked by a real man and sucked their cocks hard so they could go at her a second or even a third time.  I've sat in the corner and watched as man after man fucked her during gang bangs.  I've taken her lovers cocks up my ass so they could show me who was her man and who wasn't.  I've never been chastity caged like the cuck in the story although I have spent many weekends with what little cock I have tucked between my legs while covered with a tight panty, Sheer Energy hose and a very restrictive girdle and only out of that long enough to go to the bathroom.  So back to what I was thinking about.  I've done many things that make me much less than an man and much more of a sissy, faggot cuckold.  Would that be the ultimate act of a sissy cucky?  Sacrificing your balls for your wife's pleasure?  I wonder what I would do if presented that dilemma?  Would I let myself be castrated while she and her boyfriend fucked and watched.  Would I let it be photographed so it could be relived over and over?  Since I actually have a castration fetish and desire it, I have to say yes I would and hope that my wife has an out of this world orgasm as it's being done.  So how about you other cuckolds.  Would you give up your balls for your wife?  Would you want to know about it before hand or for it to be a surprise as the wife in the story planned.  Would you want to be awake watching your balls fall into a pan and watching your wife fucking or would you rather wake up to find them gone.  Personally, I think it would be better to have it filmed so I could watch it all but to have it as a surprise when it happened.  Wouldn't it be wonderful to know you've never been much of a man but to wake up and find you're not a man at all anymore?  How about you, what would you prefer?

Of course since I wrote this I have been castrated.  Unfortunately it was in a doctor's surgical room and my wife was in the waiting room, not watching while she was cumming on some boyfriends big cock.

Do You Remember Your First Orgasm?

I'm sure most of us remember it in some shape, form or fashion but I remember almost every single detail of mine.  The one thing I can't remember about it was my age.  I know I was older than 10 so I was either 11 or 12, but I'm not sure which.  I know it was a dry orgasm, it was during the summer, it was between one and two in the morning and I was standing in front of the dresser, looking in the  mirror in my parents room.  I know that sounds like a strange place to have your first orgasm but there is a good explanation for that.   You see, my mother was taking her turn working midnight shift at the hospital on base and, since she was doing midnights, my father traded duty with other people so that he was the base Assistant Duty Officer some of the nights she worked.  That way, he got his overnight duty out of the way while she was doing the overnights.  Since I was always a responsible child, even at that young age, I was allowed to babysit my brothers.   Now can you think of anything more perfect for a sissy like me who would dress up in his mother's clothes anytime he had the chance?  I would usually give them about 15 minutes after they left to make sure they weren't coming back for anything, then I would be out of my bed like a shot and into her lingerie drawers and her closet.  Many times I would wear a grayish black skirt with little flecks of blue in it, a blue sweater, stockings, her heels which fit me at that time and of course underwear.  Bra stuffed with panties, wearing a pair of panties and long leg girdle.  I would ad a scarf and lipstick before going out on the back porch to feel the breeze across my nylon covered legs.  This particular night my outfit varied a little.  I had managed to avoid a haircut for a while and my hair was slightly long and combed back over my ears.  If I let it hang down it looked faintly feminine (at least in my mind it did).  This particular night I was wearing the usual white panties with a long leg panty girdle and, at that age, I knew nothing about tucking.  But I could let my penis lay flat against my stomach and allow the firm center panel of the girdle to mash it flat (and it did).  I knew that rubbing myself through the girdle always felt really good.  Anyway, I had raided the closet for the nurses uniform she wore the night before.  This was back when nurses uniforms were very heavily starched, had buttons up the front and on each sleeve that were placed in similar to cufflinks.  She would hang her worn uniforms back up until she could take the buttons out before sending them to the laundry.  The nurses hats were also starched heavily, then folded and buttoned, then held to the hair with hairpins. So there I was, white nylon stockings (about as thick as tights) attached to the garter tabs of the panty girdle with a soft nylon panty underneath.  I seem to remember that I was wearing  her longline bra with panties stuffing the cups and of course back then a lady always wore a slip.  Most of hers were just very plain nylon to wear under her uniforms.  And on top of that, her uniform and with my hair barely long enough, I was able to pin one of her nurses caps on.  Shoes were my mother's spare pair of white nursing oxfords.  Normally the only makeup my mother wore was face powder and lipstick but for some reason she had started wearing a little mascara and some eye shadow not long before that (I think I know why but that's another story).  So I was able to use more than just lipstick and powder that night.  I'm sure with no practice using shadow and mascara I probably looked terrible but I thought I looked beautiful.  Oh and I topped it off with clip-on button style pearl colored earrings.  This particular night all along as I was dressing I kept rubbing myself and it felt different somehow, I guess better than normal.  After I was finished dressing, I walked around the house, peeked in their room to make sure my brothers were still asleep, went into the kitchen to get something to drink more to see my lipstick marks on the glass than anything else.  This was also during the short time that my mother smoked but she only did it in the house, never in public.  And yes, I was sneaking her cigarettes when I could but again that night, it seemed more erotic(?) to light up a cigarette and see red lip marks on the filter.  Can you imagine how intense a feeling it would be for an 11-12 year old sissy boy to be standing on his back porch, looking like his mother in all her clothes and smoking one of her cigarettes.  I went back inside, put the cigarette out in an ashtray that she used and went back into the bedroom.  I was standing there in front of the mirror and, as I said, rubbing seemed more pleasurable that night that previously so I rubbed a little more.  That was when it happened and I didn't have any idea what was going on.  The MOST intense pleasure started through me but I honestly thought something was wrong.  I remember being really scared that I was sick or something but couldn't stop rubbing my dick, my vision blurring and my legs collapsing as I went to the floor and everything just exploded.  I really think I passed out for a short while because the next thing I was aware of, I was laying on the floor next to my parents bed on my side with the most incredible feeling throughout my body.  I could really feel the stockings on my legs, the pressure of the girdle encasing me from my waist almost to my knees, the bra tight around my chest and the taste of lipstick.  It was so amazing that I was really sad that I had to put everything away, shower to clean up my face and go to bed.  Of course I have cum many times since then while dressed in women's clothing.  Being a sissy faggot, I've sucked dicks and/or taken them up my ass while crossdressed and cum while doing it.  Nothing, including my first time with a girl, has ever come close to that night and my first time cumming.

Oh, the other story about my mother and the makeup?  I honestly think she was having an affair with someone in the neighborhood.

Found a book the other day that I was going too buy my wife for our anniversary.  It's called "How to Get a Teen-Age Boy and What to Do with Him When You Get Him".  Then I found out that it was a book written back in the 60's for teen girls, not a current book for cougars.  I figured if it was a book for cougars, maybe she could learn a few tricks although she's had her share of young men.   I think one of them may have snuck in there using his older brothers ID from what she told me. She said there is nothing like being 45 and laying on your back looking up at the face of an 18 year old fucking her.  She's solving two problems.  She's satisfying his Oedipal complex where a boy wants to fuck his mother and she's getting laid by an 18 year old tireless sex machine.  That would be a win/win/lose situation.  She and he win and me, the cuckold, loses because I'm sitting at home watching some old movie while she's getting her brains fucked out.

Better Faggotry Through Chemistry part 1

First of all, I am not advocating anyone taking any medication not prescribed for them by their physician.  Now, that being said, I have been taking small doses of estrogen (estradiol) for about 15 years.  Not the big huge mega doses that transitioning TSs take to feminize their body and brain rapidly.  But tiny little doses that barely registered at first in the battle against that evil testosterone.  But gradually, just gradually over the years they began to take a toll, a welcome toll on my unwanted manhood. Oh occasionally a large dose of hormones was thrown in, generally to time with my wife so that if both of us had PMS, I was going to be the queen bitch of that time of the month.  Another advantage of low dosage was no large buildup in breast tissue, just maybe a triple A breast but damn have I got some fairly large sensitive nipples.  Let a man latch on to one of those babies for a couple of minutes pleasure and I'll be down on my knees.  But then usually all a man has to do is pull out a nice cock and I'll be down on my knees anyway. LOL  So yes, my breasts are sensitive but not the main effect that I was looking for.  When I started HRT my main goal was to destroy as much gonadal tissue as I could.  And to some extent it has worked.  To begin with, my right testicle, due to child hood damage was only half there where as the left side was close to normal.  What I had was chriptordism which is nothing more than an undescended testicle.  Due to the possibility of damage caused by body heat, most of these are discovered and corrected in infancy.  Mine was not discovered until I was 13 so the heat had taken its toll and although the doctor tried, over the years that testicle shrunk to about half size of normal and was basically useless.  Now with me me taking estrogen for a very long time, that right testicle has reascended and what little is left of it is nothing more than connecting tissue.  The left testicle is shrinking also and is now down to where the other was when all this began.  I'm almost tempted to just take a huge dose and shrink it also.  But I am basically satisfied.  For all intents and purposes, I am chemically castrated, I just still barely have one of my balls.  One of the side effects of chriptordism is that, while the not descended testicle has a high risk of cancer, the other testicle has an even greater danger.  I have hopes that I will find a urologist who will remove both due to my age.  It would be so lovely to have a flat groin under that shrunken penis.  That's the other advantage of estrogen.  It will eventually shrink you down from where you were.  Even with low doses over the years I have gone from around 5 1/2 inches to about 21/2 or maybe 3''.  Let's put it this way, If my wife wants a real man, she had better go find him because I sure as hell can't satisfy her with the little bit I have left.

Just a little teaser

A teaser until I get time to sit and compose something.

Did you ever wonder if your mother came to tuck you in and kiss you goodnight with cum on her lips because she just sucked a cock?  You're wondering now aren't you.  LOL

Weekend at an exclusive resort

Not me, of course, but for my wife.  She is spending the weekend at a very nice resort in another state very near where we used to live.  And of course she is spending it with a man she was fucking several years ago.  Back then this man (call him Bill) was a regional VP for a nationwide Fortune 500 company and was promoted to Senior VP which caused him to move to their corporate headquarters.  So back to this weekend.  Bill is making an inspection tour of his old region and he certainly is not staying in just any old hotel.  Let's put it this way, the cheapest rooms at this resort go for about $500 a night and for a villa like Bill is staying in, the price goes through the roof.  So for tonight and tomorrow night, my wife is sleeping and being fucked on 350 count Egyptian cotton sheets in a villa that's probably costing over $1500 a night for the basics, not counting room service, spa treatments and whatever the hell else they want.  I was told if I was a good boy, she would bring me one of those really expensive robes they put in the rooms.

As you know of course from reading earlier blogs I don't resent the men my wife fucks but I do have to admit that I have a little grudge against Bill.  Now to explain that one, we have to go back to 2002.  At that time, I was working a rather weird shift that got me home at around 9PM.  I couldn't take calls during work so I could only reach my wife during meals and breaks. I had talked to her on  my last break and we had planned a late dinner, a movie and (since I could still perform then) a little sex that night.Something just for us for a change. Especially since she had been out five nights before with other men.  I called on the way home but got no answer and arriving home, I did at least fined a note that told me Bill had called out of the clear blue and wanted her to come up to that resort for the night which she did.  So it was dinner at Waffle House, no movie and an empty bed for me.  Needless to say, I was quite pissed but at least she had the decency to call and wake me up around 3 am to check and see if I was ok.  It was at that point she realized I was pissed ( and realised she forgot about dinner, movies and sex or at least sex with me.)  She wanted to come home and make it up to me (it would have been 4:30 before she could had gotten home and I was tired so I told here no thanks.  That she should stay the night and the next day if she wanted.  She made noise about coming home anyway and I told her that he would have to sleep on the porch because I would put all the chains on the doors along with chairs in the doors to make sure she couldn't get in.  This was the beginning of the end as far as sex goes for us.  After getting stood up that night, I quit even trying with her and any sex was originated only by her.  After a while, she just quit trying and now it's been over 3 years.  Oh it's probably been 30 minutes to an hour for her if that long since she's with Bill now in the same resort.

So  back to the weekend.  Bill wanted her to come down and enjoy his waterfront ocean view villa with him.  Right, he wanted her to come down there so that he could fuck her brains out for two nights and two days.  Maybe I'll get one of those plush robes that are worth $10 and they charge you $100 for.  Bill gets her pussy for the weekend and I end up with a shitty robe.  Oh well.

Sissy